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In Reply to: about Barney, Cancion & Anneke posted by Realist reposted on February 02, 2004 at 20:43:41:
I think that after all of the works oriented seconds, moments, hours, days, weeks, months and years that we as ex-members have been through, there is only ONE person that I OWE time and attention to helping (other than my own biological children) and that is ME. After all, if I do not recover or get whatever assistance I need after leaving that toxic trashcan trip, aka the family, I am really not all that good to anybody else. If I don't feel better about me (in other words I am NO LONGER a "HOLY HOLE" or "NOTHING" without Berg-JEsus)I will be passing along the same or some other muted form of the same toxic garbage I was exposed to in the family, only with a different packaging. If I don't take care of me, then the past will be my present in some form or another. Maybe I will have the need to be in the know of what is "selah" and have my own circles of friends in and out of the family and a strong need to be accepted by both, or I will start my own modified commune and stick with old family doctrines whether it be "sharing" or passing out lit, clowning, postering, provisioning or one-upping the meaning of "revolutionary" by donating liver parts, kidneys, eyes or whatever.
Frankly, and after all the wounding, healing for me is a combination of therapy,working on building self esteem, medication for anxiety and depression that have been ingrained since childhood and fueled/fanned with "Family time". It takes strength, not weakness, to realize the need to take care of myself.
Brain chemistry changes after repeated exposure to toxic situations. And there are medicines that can help that. No shame in that. But there is STRENGTH in that. I have seen too many people literally DIE by committing suicide because they felt it a weakness to take a simple anti-depressant. Or go through years of emotional hell when it was never even necessary.
All this to say, LIFE is too short, to me anyway, to be on a crusade for Christ or anyone else.
In fact, I find one of the most fulfilling things for me to do is to WRITE. Write poems, stories, articles. Also, to work with orphaned animals at times. Like newborn puppies, or wildlife. Hey, hobbies and leisure activities are vital even when they can only be squeezed in between work, and other responsibilities.
