The Hermaphrodite.

The Hermaphrodite.

Todd Selleck was born in 1973 in Seattle,Washington. His upbringing was rather poor and shabby. He had a broken up family,his sister was adopted,he was a test tube baby,his younger brother was a horse-toothed jackass,and his oldest brother was retarded. The father of the oldest child left his "mom" when he was 2 years old. Now he is 15 years old and the smartest kid in his class ,since he was a test tube baby as an experiment made by very influential people,they breeded him with John Kennedy's looks and Marie Pierre Delafoints' intelligence. When he was younger he could speak the whole language of french by the age of 2. He progressed and learned so rapidly that he was doing calculus at the tender age of 6.But with all his good looks and intelligence came trouble,he was the most cynical,and argumentative. He would argue with his teachers and always be sent to the principals office.

Now at the age of 15 he was a teen terror,part of a gang that stole fat from the plastic surgeons' hospitals' garbage dump and made it into bombs and soap. He used the soap to blow up police squad cars and cause panic in the peaceful citizens lives. One time he got caught and thrown in jail for blowing up a donut shop. He was incarcerated,by 12 o'clock he had managed to escape. He blew up the whole prison after he escaped. He was a freak of nature being that he had no natural parents and no natural childbirth had happened,he was a rather reclusive person. By the age of 18 he quit the gang and moved on to robbing banks. Being the smartest one as far as strategies went he got himself a whole dozen of faithful disciples which he would lead from victory to victory. So one day he decides to rob a liquor store as a training practice for his men. Little did he know there was a state trooper posing as a clerk. He pulled out a weapon and shot one of them. He retaliated with a bullet in the head. Thankfully for the state trooper he was wearing a bullet proof turban. They left a small fracture on his forehead. Todd after that near death experience decided to join the marines and be a sniper. He scored really high on the tests and was recommended for an officer position but decided to be a sniper instead. He had a secret reason for being in the Marines. He wanted to kill Saddam Hussein. Not for patriotic reasons but so he could take over Iraq. He believed that if he could kill Saddam Hussein and with his kind of intelligence he could run the country on his own. After two years of trainging, he was an excellent sharp shooter and marksman. He could hit a nail from a 1000 ft. away. So now he was stationed in Israel. The weather was very cold and humid and we were celebrating Hanukah. And then came a knock at the door, and of course it was some Jehovah's Witnesses preaching about god so we told them to leave. But instead of leaving they set up camp and were determined to convert us. it was like we were prisoners in our own house. So Todd went out to talk to them and told them of this heathen named Saddam Hussein and they picked up camp and went to convert him. This was better than any chemical warfare we could have used. That Hanukah was the best ever because we sent Jehovah's Witnesses to Saddam Hussein's house. So todd being a sniper and all shot the Jehovah's Witnesses. He moved on to being a CIA agent and had a new mission every few months. By the time he was 23 he was the elite sniper and the James Bond of the CIA.

Killing terrorists in Cambodia to saving hostages from Kuwait he did it all. He soon met up with a secret agent named Tanya Chakanikas. She was a Russian KGB agent sent to Kuwait to find the stolen Russian planes. He was on a mission to save the hostages being held in the French Embassy from the libyan terrorists. Tanya was beautiful and looked like a playboy bunny model but was a man-killer,armed and dangerous. Todd met her in a bar where he was doing surveillance, and at first mistook her her for something else. But, being an agent, she also soon recognized him from pictures she had seen on the most wanted terrorist bulletins. The mistake was to trust in her. She was no woman to be trusted but easily misunderstood for a bimbo. Todd was no dummy though and soon caught on by the wire attached to her ear. After surveilling to see if the cartel was present and scanning around the bar he decided to approach her. She was dressed in a tight leather pair of pants that made her butt look so luscious and round. Todd trying to sound rather surprised said, "Hey ,what's up?I noticed we have similar jobs." Tanya sort of smiled and with a witheringly tired voice replied, "What makes you think that?"

So to get all the pleasantries out of the way,Todd was horny so he fucked her and that was the end of them two,she tried to kill him but he caught on and was smarter than her and shot her instead and said that's what you get for trying to messing with the americans,he sneered. Its been such a beautiful day,I could have done without all this mess.Well, life goes on says Todd. So the tactics that Todd had were running out against the libyan terrorists in the embassy and he got frustrated and blew them all up after all he was after saddam hussein not castro or godhafi. Soon the CIA fired him for that little incident. He got court martialled but he got his old buddies to rescue him from prison and they proceeded to free all the other prisoners,and blowing up the whole military dark cells. He said this will bring a little life to this dead decaying lifeless place.S o soon he was on a plane to Saudi Arabia under a different name and identity. He got plastic surgery and changed his face to make himself look arabian. Very smart move as they had ads all over the internet with search warrants and rewards for bringing him in to justice. September 7 1997 Friday;2:09 eastern time,a saudi servant brings him his cell phone,he gets a phone call from none other than his brother. His brother somehow got in touch with him,was worried about him,his brother being artificially inseminated from birth was the son of a rocket scientist,who invented the U-2 rocket in 1945.

The neighbors' arabian music was blasting too loudly in his ears,so he pulled out his gun and shot the neighbors speakers. He then proceeded to talk to his brother: "What's up younger brother? Well,I heard there this plot by the Russian KGB to capture you and to send you to the kremlin to deprogram you and send you to siberia for killing one of their secret agents. Is that so?" Todd 's younger brother happned to be a Nuclear scientist who worked for the Russian out of kazakstan.YES,YOUR LIFE IS IN DANGER AND THUS I AM WARNING YOU TO GET THE HELL OUT OF THERE THEY ALREADY KNOW YOUR LOCATION."Thanks for the info bro" Bye CLick The phone hangs up. Todd is sitting in his mansion he bought with all the money he robbed from banks and now he keeps them in a swiss account and in an account in the grenadines islands. Soon Todd got himself another plastic surgery to make himself look like Bill Clinton,that way if people tried to shoot at him at least it wouldnt be for looking like himself but like bill clinton. Soon he started his own terrorist army which he paid off the IRAQI government since they were the only country that wasnt sided with the USA. Suddenly out of the blue ,there was a cloud of darkness overwhelming him and he saw a vision as the sweltering heat encompass the whole camp,a vision of a dark grim reaper coming for him with the face of Saddam hussein. Todd sold his mansion shortly there after stole a few more russian F-15 planes. Todd is pondering and thinking what the vision meant and why he would be getting there visions. He thought and said this is where my sniper skills come into place its time to kill saddam hussein. He is plotting to kill me. I will kill him first.
Part Two

Todd wakes up to the smell of the horses poop,he gets up early in the morning to go for a horsie ride and to make sure the horse takes care of his business somewhere else. Little did he know that the KGB would be there to ambush him. They throw a net that entraps him. Todd is 28 years old by now,still a young age to die he thinks to himself. As they bring him into the helicopter there is none other than tanya chakanikas."I thought I killed you"Well,before you decide to fuck me you got to think of the consequences if you know what i mean. I could get pregnant,you tried to fuck me over ,that's why I tried to kill you."But I loved you"says todd and I trusted you and you tried to kill me."WHAAHHAHAHAAAA laughs Tanya,you have no idea what love is""what do you mean ?"says TODD. You'll see .Well,not long before mr todd was able to get away from the bitch and move on with the story so the narrator will be able to continue without writers block. So anyways , tanya did the most horrible she could imagine to Todd she tied him up in the helicopter and whipped him ,that is with whipping cream.,oh the humanity. so anyways, she raped the hell out of him,he pretended not to enjoy it but did tremendously as a woman in power is not something to be taken lightly and being overpowered by someone more powerful than he is is a rare occasion. "Now I am going to kill you," says tanya. She pulls out her guns and says "you were a good fuck but now I've got this ....to replace you. Goodbye agent todd." Bang. Todd can take a bullet or two,thankfully he was shot in back and thrown overboard,into the ocean. They weren't too high off the ocean so he was able to survive the fall,and float to safety where some kind nomads took pity on him and nursed him back to health. There in the nomad tribe was a family of 9 sisters and no men in their family except for their father and mother. Agent Todd was asked to stay but he didn't want to be a shepherd and turn out like moses so he declined the offer to marry all nine of the sisters,but he enjoyed his stay tremendously while there. He was now near Old Babylon,close to Bagdad ,so he found out there was a nuclear plant nearby and saddam hussein went there sometimes, and so he found out once a month Saddam would go there to encourage his troops. The desert heat was beating down on his baseball cap and so the sisters gave him a large arab turban and arab dress to wear for his desert journey to the military base and blow it up. He pulled out his walkman and started grooving to the funk,and dancing with his camel. The camel was blurting obscenities. Sticking out his tongue. Making ridiculously loud farts ,and whew did they smell up a storm. The music kept going.

Meanwhile,Tanya was in Moscow hobnobbing with all the snobs and getting fucked by 12 barbarian men in the red square ,well,not so literally. She lies on her back and says she never had it better with agent todd in bed and she misses him,too bad I had to kill him. But little did she know one day they would meet again many years later.... So ex-agent todd was off to kill saddam hussein but the devil beat him to it and took him to hell to enjoy his rascally company,and to plot and conspire against God. Todd falls asleep on a roof top of a sniper spot when another sniper kicks him and tells him hey man this is my spot ,go find your own spot to snipe people with. Sorry,fellow sniper,I'll be leaving but here's a punch for your trouble and your hospitality. Now it is the year 2000,the new Jetta 2001 is in the market and being imported to all the rich saudis by the hundreds by boats and planes. Helicopters,swamis,cockroaches,leeches,rickshaws,and hashish can all be found in a city like bagdad. Saddams son took over all of Iraq and had a stronghold just like his father on the people,they loved him,cause he was just like his father and he could stick his nose at the USA and not be ashamed of the buggers in his nose. Todd decided to pay his homage to the new ruler of Iraq named Saddam Hussein Jr.

So he bowed in front of him and said oh king live forever! Get up said saddam I for one am not Nebuchednezzar and you are in no way shape or form Daniel!The truth is that it wasn't saddam husseins son butthe real saddam reinstated by satan with a new younger look and identity.I am not here to ask for gold or silver ,says todd I just want to find out the truth in life ,I want answers.WHO ARE YOU?You look just like your father but yet seem so incredibly like him.You speak like him and you act like him.You are an impostor.You are satans puppet arent you??I wanted to have you killed but now I believe that youre unkillable and immortal,like as if that bullet you received in your head never did anything or maybe you resurrected from the dead ?Are you Jesus reincarnated into Saddam Hussein?Ahh,my son Saddam Hussein said,come here.I am your father.I dont believe you,no I was a testube baby,I had no father or mother.I have no resemblance to you.How can this be ,I am 10 times smarter than you and I could run this country way better than you,I can prove it to you just give me a chance.Fine then ,I will give you a year to rule over Iraq and we will feign my death again and you will be the one who will take over but with one condition that you bring tanya to me for I have unfinished business with her.I want to see what you can do with a country like mine.I own it and it 's mine not even the USA or Russia or Afghanistan will ever take it away from my people.Imagine all the people living together in peace and harmony and free from disease or Weeds or lack of mothers milk.So Todd proceeded to run the country ,capture tanya bring her to bagdad.Meanwhile the americans are working out a plan to extradite him as ruler to go to a world court to face charges such as killing people and the likes of it.Todd said ,well,my reputation precedes me. I'll show them americans not to mess with me or test tube babies. Kablang the whole pentagon is blown to smitherines,dont ask me how but I am guessing Todd sent some terrorist on a mission to blow it up.