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In Reply to: Re: Born without a conscience posted by Alan on November 04, 2003 at 08:31:14:
I find that one of the books that has helped the most in dealing with THESE particularly deep issues is
The Soul's Code
by James Hillman.
He offers a "model" of function and interpretation for the universe, destiny, and agency that seems to at least make some sense...and he goes about it with a lot of respect and... caution.
I don't think we will ever really know WHAT makes some ppl do or not do certain things, though we can speculate, observe, and study behavior hoping to find clues that would help in making predictions or finding help.
I know for sure that even in TF we were not all the same, and there were degrees to which people were ABLE to engage in cognitive dissonance and SELL their conscience. Some had a much lower threshold than others...and were engaged in some sort of resistance even within the group...at their own expense. I remember those ppl the most. The thing that hurts me the most is to see how many parents/children relationships have been in many ways irrecuperably damaged...the issues are huge.
I often talk to my 4 children and they have had a lot to express as to how the BEFORE and AFTER has been in our experience...but at least they KNOW they were always loved and still are.
What I can offer to SGA's who don't have parents who have really loved them (they do not seem to know what 'love' is) is that my own parents were that way. It seems you don't have to be in a cult to experience that...the thing that helped me the most in years of struggling over the fact that they were not able to love/understand/really care and the damage that they created in my life was what a friend told me one day.
"...instead of keeping on struggling on your biological origins and as to WHY they are the way they are, which is terrible indeed...why don't you think what a MIRACLE it is that somebody LIKE YOU came out of THEM?"
It may not be much help...it still leaves a bitter flavor because parenting is one of the most important and formative experiences...the loss cannot be filled...but at least I know that I, in my lifetime, was able to 'break' their cycle even if at a great price.
