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In Reply to: I'm so glad you wrote this posted by Acheick on November 03, 2003 at 20:59:25:
We've had a similar experience with one of the other Fathers in our family.
Jane and I got married back in 1983. When we had our first child together in 1984, I thought it might be a good thing if I legally adopted her oldest son.
We contacted his Father, who was no long in The Family, but had started some other ministry called something like "Dr. Love's Ministry" (yeah, I wish I was making that up).
At first he was all cooperative about it, and said all the things that he probably should have said to me, like that I was raising the child, and he should be part of my family.
Then I got the ball rolling, and the Attorney contacted him to sign forms, and suddenly, for no apparent reason, he dug in his heels. Now he was going to be super-dad, and do all these things for the child he had never even imagined doing. He told us he would no longer cooperate with the adoption.
I went to court and we had a hearing to decide about his parental rights. He didn't show up, and after asking a few questions and determining that the guy had never made anything other than token gestures to the child, his parental rights were terminated by the court, and we were able to proceed with the adoption.
He wrote a very hurtful letter to my son a year or so later. Unfortunately, he got it out of the mail before we saw it. Basically, he told him not to contact him again until he was old enough to understand the damage he had done to his father with this "forced adoption". Like you said, it was all about him, not the 8 year old boy he was writing to.
Christian is back living at our house right now, and Jane had a conversation with him about his Dad. He told her that he knows who his Dad is. The guy who raised him, and he no longer has any desire to ever see his natural Father.
I know that kids who are adopted go through all kinds of fantasies about their natural parents. Especially when they don't really know them. Christian has never really met his father, other than seeing him briefly when he was a little baby. If he did want to see his natural father, I wouldn't try to prevent it. He's 25 years old now, and can do whatever he wants. But, I am pleased that he seems to really see this guy for what he is. I know that deep down it is hurtful to him, but I'm glad I was able to be there so he could have a Dad when he was growing up, and I can be there for him today as well.
