coming forward

It was interesting to read other's feelings regarding leadership exer's stepping forward to tell the truth of what happened. In relating to this issue I can only comment accurately from my own experience.

The truth for me, is that the process is painful for everyone coming out of the family. There is no way of escaping it. The collective result of the family was deception, darkness and despair. Sure I can say there were moments when our idealism and unselfish actions seemed clean spiritually but there is nothing left in the sum of those passing moments for me to hold on to.

In reality our past actions, good or bad, have been polluted and totally consumed by the lie that was, is and will ever be Moses David. As a result of this lie people have taken their lives, gone insane or are left hurting badly. In addition, many of our children are still burning because of the collective works of the family.

These facts will never change. The truth of TF's history should not be spun into any accomodation theory. I did that at one time and I was led into an illusionary construction that almost killed my soul as well as my life. I was a leader, minor in comparison to many others, but I know I believed the lie in my heart. ( My story is here somewhere). As a result I really hurt or stumbled others as we all did. I hate what I became as a leader in the family. I also led others into the family and the reality of that is still appaling to me. Blood spilled is blood spilled and the past cannot be changed through any application of on my part. Only the creator can heal me from the self-hatred I carry at times for the sins of the past. I can go on from it but I will never forget that I hurt others.

I think we each must speak our truth regarding the past so the legacy of the family stops now, permanently and in our time. I also think that most of us who do not realize or fully accept the truth of the past will eventually come to see it for what it was. In time, the pain of what we did as members will bring each of us to a crisis. Apart from the truly evil individuals that live in the heart of the family, I believe we all will come forward in some way to tell the truth.

I still don't know why it is so, that the family was and is wicked. It is a mystery and I can tell you all that it is a miserable issue to try and figure out the why. It has been an unhappy hobby, (in truth more like a pervasive obsession), of mine for years. In my life the upside of accepting the reality of the family has been the internal dismantling of the family values in my heart. This has allowed me to stay alive and I actually have had a few good days as a result. LOL!

I believe that the Creator is doing that in each of us and will give back what the locusts have taken from us in an appropriate time and place. In the big now God has the power to restore everything. Like a plant embracing the warm rays of the sun it is the hope I cling to. In the meantime, I continue to kick my own ass and put my own name down for all those stupid pills( mo letters) I ate as a kid( I am big now).

Sincerely

Rocky