being a family

I was in the Family in 72-78 and 89-91 and I had some great experiences in Mexico . I never had a mom and was an only child so living together and working together was so rewarding. I remember when fishing was becoming popular. I was with my wife in the Dominican republic and had met some precious sheep but my wife was pg with our 2nd son. Things were in such turmoile at this time 1978. We went home and my wife died in IRFER'S Beware and I was on my own again. God must have been carrying me but I felt alone. I sure screwed up after she died and didn't handle it in the way that I should have as a child of faith. Then 10 years later I found the family again.
That being as part of a family and doing something positive so appeaaled to me and I rejoined in 89. I was blessed by learning basics of faith but after being in the family in the mountians of Washington far away from anyone. Spokane Wa. I slowly became aware that the Family I wanted to be wasn't happening. Lots of problens in the outskirts. Would things had been better with more supervision. I became disalusioned and left with my new wife and 8 kids. Thats a story whew mabey skip it.Whew! After being out I tried to fine where I could fit in but all the different familys were overloaded with problems to the point that I didn't see a way for me to enter. Was it better somewhere else haad I really blew it by not rejoining Was I not desperate enough. I don't know but I do love the Lord .I think I'm an other sheep who God loves. I can't wait til were all together in love and harmony at the end.
Love you all
Matt