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In Reply to: I am also looking for my friends posted by Lyle on July 02, 2003 at 06:07:46:
I think the best thing that a person can do for someone they were friends with in the family, or who have family or friends still in is to love them. You can love a person without supporting their illness or sick cause. One of the best things, imo, is to stay friendly, NOT support them in any material way, but let them know that if they ever consider getting out, you will do whatever is realistic (connect them to transitional living places, take them in, check into resources for them upon getting out) While they may not be at a point to accept the offer and may even react hostily as they are programmed to act in the family when they realize they can't use you, that route of escape will stick in their minds. One day they may be calling or writing and asking for help, even if it is just moral support in leaving the group.
There are times before I left that I ran into people who planted good thoughts in my head (regarding the truth about the family) without judging me, or who were not rejecting of me personally and reached out. But oftentimes a person in the family (at least at that time) was rarely alone. This, and being trained to tell on yourself for any doubts, causes a person who may otherwise get a phone number or whatever NOT to do so.
I relate to the anger. But I think it is hard for them to see the CRAp that they are in until they get out and can clear their heads in a safe environment that is free of family influence.
In any case, if friends or family followed us in, we would not have allowed that had we know what we were getting into.
It is so much more subtle than drug addiction, because the candy coating is seen as wholesome and idealistic and the poisonous inside product is not known until well entrenched in fam. doctrine and programming.
It makes sense then, to me anyway, that I don't deserve guilt for those that followed but credit for getting out.
What I would personally want to do is be supportive from the resources end of people getting out.
In Steve Hassan's book on Cult Mind control, he describes the family briefly. His description of the cult he was in (Moonies) is so similar, but with regard to the family, he talked, from what I remember, about how worn out, tired, abused people were. (That is an older book too:)
So I don't care if people have been in 5 weeks, 5 months, 5 yrs, 35 yrs, at what age does human life cease to have value and be worth rehabilitation?
But in the guilt dept.: I had enough of that while in the family to last several life times. VERY glad to be out. AND to have it OUT of me. And kudo's to all who have survived getting out or have to struggle with people they left behind or had ripped away from them. I feel for those losses. I can never know the depth to which you must grieve who have lost sons, daughters, wives, husbands and friends upon leaving.
