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In Reply to: Re: Questions and answers: (NT) posted by Rocky on December 09, 2002 at 22:41:46:
Hi Goth!
From 1977-78 my access to letters was restricted because of my status in the family, left, came back etc etc, associate or whatever we were called then, rnr happened. I then kind of floated around to various places in the family on the very outside fringes but without many letters. I also worked in the oil fields at that time and was gone for long periods. In additon, I never really payed any attention to the childcare stuff. No excuse, wish I had of kept on going in 78 but still was not sure about things. As you say, I often figured God was going to kill me for leaving as I was on the "scrap heap". In 1983 we got a huge package of letters and volumes from WS in the mail. In it was the Davidito book. I read that one afternoon and that was it.
My wife since 1980 was also gone that day too. It made us sick at heart. I am still not fully recovered from all this shit at times. Who knows if it is possible to totally get over it.
1. Female adult abuse:
I take it you mean ff'ing. It was a crime, males became pimps and in our foolisness and blindness we let it happen. I hate myself for accepting berg's doctrines. What broke my heart after the damage was already done is coming to understand what a lie it all was. Once I understood FFing for what it was I became an enemy. You have to understand that I came from a seriously disfunctional background and I thought in my heart that the family was the truth. ( Stupid me) I actually think I am accountable in some ways to Kohoutec(sp), rev women and burn your bra. I should have picked up on the direction we were heading. The poorboy clubs in 75 were also an indicator with all the gypsy bullshit.
Lets face it Mo turned men and women like ourselves into shrine temple prostitutes, whores, liars and pimps. I also noticed a few women leaders were very intense about ffing.
I have never looked at you as an abuser only as a survivor and past victim. Of course FG's were victims too. I do not want to sound my horn but it is a known fact that I am available in my local exer community day or night to counsel and support adult victims. In reality it is a serious committment for me as I also have a very intense job. My central focus is the Sg's because they deserve our support. All Fam members who were victims, left and are now surviviors matter both Fg's and SG's. I really don't see it like most. I see a generation that had some pre family experience which gave them some choice. In the plain light of day our victimization, although painful and totally destructive, was really seriously eclipsed by the suffering of our children as Sg's. I accept that as a reality but not to exclude anyone's suffering you and I included.
Sincerely
Rocky
