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In Reply to: forgiveness, accountability and responsibility posted by ethicist on December 08, 2002 at 21:24:38:
I agree with taking a position when battle lines are drawn. Though I was a mere peon and had relatively little to account for, I can honestly say that I, like the average German, was guilty of not speaking up when I witnessed abuse being committed and don't worry I suffer the shame of it to this day. The personal choices we make, are largely influenced by the confluence of external and internal factors. With difficult choices, one’s vulnerability comes overwhelmingly into play. Self-preservation (and that of your children’s) is still the strongest instinct and anything that would threaten that would be either avoided or opposed. The legal questions posed by Researcher in another thread have a lot of merit and I feel that if we would come down from discussing lofty ideals and started discussing the brass tacks, these questions should be addressed. If we were more aware of the legal issues then I think we would not be as hesitant to sort out the moral and ethical ones. Then I feel most exers would have a clearer idea of their degree of accountability and responsibility hence what position to take.
But in the meantime, while grappling with the moral issues, I support those who publicly advocate against the abuse and like Goth, take a more proactive stance by finding and establishing resources for current and potential exers, regardless of generation. Focusing on the more pressing here and now imo would take care of the then and there.
As for forgiveness, I, like you, veer more towards self-flagellation. One of the most painful yet liberating “Gethsemane” I had to face was forgiving myself. Forgiving oneself is an essential step towards recovery. Despite many tortuous arguments with myself I have finally come to that point. As for forgiving others particularly my abusers, I discovered that it is not essential to my moving on as a human being. As a Christian perhaps, because it is the Christian way, but it is not essential. Forgiveness also has nothing to do with justice. So for that matter I can forgive my abusers, but I want them in jail.
