a few comments

It is a bit hard for me to say something about Barney's son, and I usually don't like doing that because I do not know the son. There are so many things I do not know. However, since he made it a public issue, there are a few things come to mind:

1) it is preposterous to think our children will do anything else but what THEY want to do. I am very aware of this as I have 4 of my own, ages 16-23.

2) what children do does not always reflect on parents. In other words, I don't like the direct correlation many often make blaming young ppl's issues on parents is always accurate, though it does have "some" merit.

3) However, parents do have the great opportunity to be an INVALUABLE and irreplaceable influence in their children's lives. Many times our sons and daughters will be very keen in not doing what we SAY but doing what we DO - that is where the example given for years (a long time is necessary to build a foundation of trust and respect) pays off many times as a lot of stuff seeps in at subliminal levels and operates from there. Honesty, respect, trust, leading by example, these are all values that are slowly and consistently built up over years. Now that I have about 60 students (ages 18-23 on avg) per quarter I get to observe and listen to so many children-parents stories, and I have a much larger database than I ever had.


The only time I met and talked to Barney it was pretty clear that he did not see what I or some of us here see in the Family. For him many things were and are ok, and they were/are not issues.
If someone was exploited 20 years (financially, emotionally, mentally etc) and had nothing left but issues to deal with, why, he told me, there is a guy who worked for Chrisler 20 years and got laid off, it can happen anywhere.

(!? I was surprised then, but hey, this is a big world and people can believe whatever they want.)

Since there is a WORLD of difference between the 2 issues, (and I don't even need to belabor the point) and that and many other things seem not to be crystal clear to him, (there seems to be a large zone of ambiguity) it would not be surprising (speculative leap) if these issues are not clear to the son as well.

BUT again, the nicest thing to remember is how many SGA's or any young adults have turned out to be wonderful individuals, having more insight than their parents.

I got away from my family while too green and too young (16) because that situation was driving me crazy. I ended up in a real bad place. But I am today in a much better place than either my father or my mother have been....so there is always hope for everyone. :)

My final thought on a very complex and multifaceted issue: it pays to have clear values and objectives and to try to instill/transmit that clarity to the ones closest to us - eventually, in the long run, more often than not, it does pay off.