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In Reply to: question posted by journalist on April 24, 2002 at 13:30:11:
Ok, we can dream, can't we? Here's your press conference.
Exmember: So, Peter Amsterdam or Steve Kelly, whatever your name is. This first question is directed to you.
Peter: (smiling in a relaxed manner) Thankyou. I would first of all like to say that the Family has made mistakes in the past, but that myself and other leaders have apologized repeatedly, often even shedding tears as---
Exmember: Hey fat boy! Shut up! I've got the question remember?
Peter: How DARE you call me that! I could have you on a Reading List,you know that? I could have you excommunicated you peon.
Exmember: You excommunicated me two years ago, fat boy. What? Are you gonna re-excommunicate me? Listen, my first question is, how much money do you and Maria have tucked away in secret Swiss bank accounts for your retirement savings?
Peter: Ah....well....I'd say it about 3 million, give or take a....WAIT! What am I saying? Was my water spiked with truth serum??? No, no. We don't have one penny stashed away. If the Family disbanded tomorrow, I'd have bus fare back to New York and that's really about it.
Exmember: Yes, your water was spiked with truth serum, though apparently not quite enough. But you'd go to New York if the Family disbanded? Why?
Peter: Cause that's where I was born and my mommy would take me in and I could mooch off her. I mean....aAAAAggghh! This damn truth serum!! I mean, to get an honest job as a dishwasher. There are lots of restaurants in New York. I wouldn't mind working at minimum wage even. After all, all of that 3 million that Mama and I have stashed away was given by rank-and-file members slaving away blowing balloons and .... AGGGGH! DAMN that truth serum! I have NO money stashed away. I'd have to hold down two jobs.
Exmember: Really? Dishwashing is one. What would be the second?
Peter: (giggling) I'd rather not talk about it. tee hee.
Exmember: Well now you've got my interest.
Peter: I...I think I'd dance nude, maybe in a gay bar. You know. They could call the show Peter's Peter.
Exmember: You would do THAT?
Peter: Sure, for years I've led the Family in the Loving Jesus Revolution. I've spread my legs and asked Jesus to fuck me with his big hard penis and I even call myself "Jesus' Pussy."
Exmember: Whew. Looks like the truth serum is finally taking effect. Can I ask you another question?
Peter: (giggling wildly) Oh yes, yes. Ask me anything. Anything.
(THE INTERVIEW CONTINUES TOMORROW.)
