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In Reply to: understanding my fiance posted by LisaQ on November 24, 2002 at 21:01:48:
Oh my. You have entered into a very deep subject. One thing many of the young adults who were born into this group may or may not understand is just exactly what abuse is. Their parents, if they are still in the group or adhere to its practices, of course will tell them they had the best life and were given the best opportunity to serve and follow God. We, however, know now that there was and is much abuse going on in this group, both spiritual, physical, sexual and emotional. The first thing your bf needs to understand is just what abuse is and that he very likely has suffered some sort of abuse. Of course, this will be going against his parents ideals and twisted way of looking at things and could very well be why he is suffering from depression and fits of anger. Feeling hard pressed to fit in to mainstream society while at the same time trying to appease his parents and their view of the world and the mentality they have adopted from this cult. He's stuck in limbo and he doesn't know it. It has to be a painful place to be in. The very fact that his parents do not view you as a good choice for their son shows just how deeply they are still involved in the twisted mindset of the COG. The COG, or The Family, view churches as backslidden basket cases that cannot and do not serve God correctly or whole-heartedly. They won't tell you this, of course, but it is the core of the doctrines and what they believe "sets them apart" from the mainstream churches. Your bf is sitting in a very painful position, one foot out the door, and one foot tied to his parents and the mindset of a cult. Additionaly, he does not know that all the harsh disciplining, spiritual berating, sequestered from normal society and day to day activities, have left him with his self-esteem stripped. Because he does not know this, he becomes frustrated over the emotional dynamics and cannot sort out his feelings. The first thing to do is help him sort this out. If you look around this site, there are various resources and articles that could be of help to you. I hope this has been some help and I'm sure others will chime in with more advice. Also, there is another site that could prove to be beneficial to you, it's called MovingOn.Org and is set up by the born in the group young adults who have left and are often living on their own while their parents remain active members.
