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In Reply to: "Another fine post by ian" posted by Passing By on November 23, 2002 at 07:06:01:
If I am who you are referring to Ian, why not ask me some questions? And why not talk to me, unless you don't want to.
I do believe that the past before the family does affect things and has a place here in the path of healing.
I have worked nearly 700 hrs voluntarily as a substance abuse services counselor with children and families who were referred to the program because of abuse and neglect related to drug/alcohol use. I was very good working with the kids. I could understand them well. The funny thing is, no one wanted to work with the pre-teens and I got stuck with them. Well, I learned a lot from them and they, I hope, got some hope and support from me and from the rest of the program. Most of the kids had been sexually abused as well as physically. There was a lot of familial healing in this group. One aspect of the group was that one thing done before completing the group was that there was a big multi-family meeting. Perpetrators sat across from their victims and the victims read off as many incidents as they wanted to, to their perpetrator. The perp. knew in advance to listen to each and acknowledge each incident without explanation. If they had done something in a blackout, they had to say they didn't remember but they believed the child's account. With some this was extremely healing. There was extensive support for all. In these cases, the abusers were reunited in some cases with family, or when not plausible, children either went with their mothers on their own or their mothers chose the perpetrator over them, and then the children had to deal with that reality with lots of support. LOTS of support. The most important thing to let the victim know is that it was NOT THEIR FAULT. And to be empowered as much as possible. So I do have empathy.
I am also dealing with much of my own pain right now and need support myself. I think I deserve that, too. This generation gap (exer community) is something fairly new to me. I came to this board looking for support for me. And to be supportive. Do you believe that the majority of FGA exers joined a movement that was sexually deviant and presented itself in the way that it was presented to you growing up in it?
