as per Ex members request repost from Moving On

Dear Rob W

I have read your article a number of times. I get the feeling that you are speaking from your heart. Talking about the "group" under any circumstances or conditions is a complex issue at the best of times. It is also obvious that you have suffered some in your life and are no stranger to pain. As a reader I have to respect and appreciate that.

I do ,however, think that being born and raised in a cult such as the family is not like "everyone else's life". To begin with, the real world is composed of all things including cults. I think it is fair to say that most of the world is made up of individuals as led by their own thoughts and actions. Both evil and good. When you talk about the family I think we are talking about a form of Borg, alien prick parasites assimilating others to serve the "collective".

The problem with the family is that it was founded by an individual who influenced thousands of members to believe and follow his personal belief system. This system included physically and sexually abusing children, absolute control of others through psychological conditioning, behaviour imprinting, teaching that sexual abuse of children, religious prostitution, open group sexuality and marriage, economic exploitation and robbing members of reasonable opportunity and basic human rights was OK and a "loving" thing to do in the "kingdom of God".

Although the first generation of members had opportunity to make choices in their lives before they joined their children,(sg's), had no real choices and were conditioned from birth within the family's closed social structure to totally embrace group values. Children who deviated from or questioned the family values in word or deed were brutally punished.

I agree the rest of the world is really bad in that millions die every day but I do not think such a comparison helps others to really understand the impact the family had on its members. It is so easy to get very frustrated with all of the venting and processing that ex members go through in their journey out of the family physically, emotionally and spiritually. I was a member for 11 years(72-83) and have been a seriously dedicated adversary of the family organization since 1983. Over the years I have learned two very important things about supporting someone hurt and abused by the group.

1. I can't measure others recovery from a bad life experience by my own way of dealing with pain or sorrow. I can't expect everyone to approach "getting on" with life at a pace I believe is appropriate for me and therefore should be ok for others. I have to step out of my own views to really appreciate and support someone. I have learned it is not easy to do and takes practice and patience.

2. Physical and sexual abuse as experinced in the family, from a clinical perspective, has elements of ritual spiritual abuse. These elements are evidenced by fact that the physical and sexual abuses were driven by the founder's spiritual beliefs that members in the group practiced very closely. This led to many abuses, particularly to SG's. The underlying core "spiritual" beliefs that the family adhered to which led to the various abuses were deeply rooted and taught by Berg within the context of being a "message" from "God". The fact that Berg used the spiritual attributes of the family as a vehicle for abusive practices deepened the negative impact of this abuse on his victims.

In all the many hundreds of child sexual abuse case files I have read in over 15 years of my own work out in the "real world" the abuse of SG members in the family stands out as a very rare and horrific example. The truth of the matter is that Berg, as a criminal child molesting pedophile and sexually deviant/ disordered individual, was able, through userous spiritual values, to create an environment where he freely abused a number children over a long period of time. Sadly, he also was able convince the victims and their families to protect him through the use of his spiritual influence over the group. In addition Berg was able to use his perverted doctrines to create a highly sexualized atmosphere that eventually led to organized religious prostitution, a number of other abuses as well as adulterating the group's understanding of normative human sexuality. Children raised in such a
highly sexualized emvironment will most likely suffer greatly, particularly as they get older.

I do not mean to imply that people cannot get over these issues. The reality is that for many it often takes several years to get over the impact of such abuse or at least to reach some level of peace. As a child I was an inmate of a Catholic institution as a ward of the state where I was sexually and physically abused by Catholic clergy. It took me a very long time to recover from that "group".

I suggest that the love you have for your friend is very precious and valuable and hanging in with her is a very fine thing for you to do. If you learn to have no real agenda or overly high expectations based on your own views it may get easier to be there for her when she struggles with these issues. Venting and validation are very important parts to the process and often manifest in a cyclic pattern.

My wife has had to put up with my various processing cycles for over twenty years.( Including four years of therapy.) I can appreciate how you feel as she has expressed similar frustrations at times. The one thing I really appreciate about her is that she cut me slack and stood by me as the sorrow and pain often would sweep me into a form of cynical madness for significant periods of time. Without her support it would have been so easy for me to slink away, rent a hotel room, put on a sad song, take some pills, lie down, fall alseep and never wake up. No pain, big bubbles, no troubles, elevator up and mission out in 35 minutes.

3. The group and its hold on victims is one of the central issues and plays a big part in the difficulty ex members have in getting over it. I have learned the hard way it is unwise to underestimate the residual effect that the group's psychological programming has on members after they leave. Leaving is like landing on a distant planet for many and it is no easy transition and an illustration of their strength of heart. "Ya gotta love the underdog that gets up every time they are knocked to the floor"

I give the group no credit for anyone. Sure getting swine flu makes you immune to weaker flus but it will kill alot of people too. Berg was a pain amplifier and caused alot of suffering in the second generation of members. He was a predator who fed off the family for decades. The heartless manipulative structure he created continues in its folly much to the hurt of others.

Maybe when times are tough just give her a hug, listen, walk in the sunlight, feel her pain and keep up the loving support.
Happy trails to you!
Sincerely

Rocky