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In Reply to: Re: We were all victims of a manipulative and controlling posted by An SG on November 07, 2002 at 16:49:31:
Firstly, this is not literature published by her, it is a personal e-mail in response to what I wrote to her. She wrote again:
"In re-reading your letter, I found I didn't answer one of your questions...Sorry about that!
You asked:>>>Do you think this (the practice of glorifying the 'new' and 'young') is a factor in the generalized anger towards all first generation adults?<<<<
Almost definitely. That sort of mindset is easy to implant into the young, since it makes them feel more powerful and special. The general culture also has a tendency to support that mindset, even once the person has left the COG....This not only makes it more likely for the "younger" crowd to see themselves as "one-up" and...well...simply "better people" than the FGA's, but it also will tend to subtly erode the self-confidence of the FGA's in the face of the SGA's accusations.
Something else you said I wanted to address:>>>The dynamics were hidden and on the way, but weren't there for years<<<
The dynamics of sexualization may have been hidden or even absent at the beginning, but the dynamics of the control and manipulation were [there]. Part of the problem in the SGA's focusing on blaming the FGA's for thier molestation is that they are only identifying one type of abuse, sexual, instead of recognizing that COG's sexualization was simply used as one more control/manipulation tactic....one out of dozens if not hundreds. It was simply an easily accessible toehold that, more than likely, appealed to the *ick* personality of the leader..."
Now I(jo) will add, that certainly more is focused on than sexual by SGA's. But I think it would be very helpful for both sides to consider the experiences of the other and not categorically blame all or most FGA's or all parents in the Family for not coming to the rescue. When I left. I thought I was cracking. I thought I would get away and go back after a break. I thought I was wrong. I thought God might kill me and my kids for leaving. I don't know how FGA's appeared to you other than your description. But I can tell you that from my personal FGA experience, I did not experience that laid back apathetic life. Maybe dialogue between SGAs and FGAs would be helpful. Neither side blaming but each side as ex-members telling it like it was for them. That, and also seeking professional help outside of ex-members if it is eating your breakfast lunch or dinner. I have read the James Penn articles. He was a PR person for the family. He later exposed it greatly. That was a service to all ex-members. I read Merry's Story, Ricky's Story, I read about FGA's who suffered greatly, and some who took their own lives as a tragic end, having been unable to handle the huge amounts of pain heaped upon them. A number of unknown FGA's were thrown out, burnt out or died while within. The point is we were all used and all suffered. I did read your post. What is your personal story? Maybe dialogue like this can open up routes of communication between us. Maybe this and researching dynamics of cults can help you understand how intelligent people who were vulnerable were able to, later in their COG lives, commit atrocities under the direction of the Top down. I have been able to discuss regrets with my children about what I would have liked to have seen them have, and where I DID turn away from them. Why? Because to oppose was to potentially lose them altogether within the family machine for one thing. I appreciate your reading and considering what is written. I hope the open discussion continues.
