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In Reply to: Peer presure and conscience posted by Passing By on October 29, 2002 at 19:51:51:
It sounds like you had/have a very active conscience. You saw things much earlier that bugged the hell out of you--particularly, as you say, issues of corrupt leadership. It sounds like you bought into the Family at a certain level, yet never fully signed in your conscience at the door.
This would have meant an almost daily conflict within yourself, still having your eyes somewhat open and being forced to "rejoin" again every day, so to speak. I had that experience only in the last couple months I was in the cult. It's interesting that that was a much more prolonged process with you.
You must have bought into something else very important at a very deep level (the idealism, the witnessing,the communal life, etc.) and every time your bullshit alarm went off, especially around leadershit, had to keep reminding yourself that THOSE were the reasons you had joined and the bad stuff would pass. Only it never did.
I'm just guessing here, but the open-eyes-daily-conscience-battle you seem to be describing is what I experienced the last two months.
