Thoughts on turning 50

That's right. The big '5-0' next year and it leaves me thinking. I went through mid-life crisis in my mid thirties and all that re-thinking "what have I accomplished? where am I? Is this where I want to be? is it time tomake a change?" is a big part of what got me out of the cult. Finally my body kicked in and told my mind it was time to start reviewing crap.

Now that 50 is approaching, there's a sudden urgent feeling to make the last decades of my life count. A sense of accomplishment for getting out of the cult and rebuilding my life, counting my blessings sure, but also still a sense of being way behind and feeling I need to scramble to make up lost time. Anybody else feeling that?

And I'm also wondering how long I'm going to allow my life to be defined by my involvement in the COG. I can't deny nearly 21 years of involvement with them has left a mark but I have received a lot of healing. I have moved on in many ways and accomplished things I wanted to and needed to. But I still find myself wanting to return to the crowded room of memories where I meet with exmembers and talk about the whole experience. I guess that's normal.

OK, yeah, the COG experience was pretty darn defining, so I'm still here. But I guess my thoughts are a lot on making a mark, accomplishing things as I shift gears and well....getting old. I know I'm not going to live forever and I'll soon be staring my mortality in the face.

It's not over yet. There are many years to go and things to do. And life just has to happen. You pay bills, you work. I have kids that make me happy, a wife I love and friends like other exmembers whom I can relate to. Does anyone relate to any of this? I bet so.