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In Reply to: What has my past given me? posted by goth88 on September 15, 2002 at 12:52:02:
That is so true. Yes, we went through some awful things at the hands of some awful people, yet at the same time, it has given us a richer and deeper meaning of life. Sometimes I wonder if it was worth it all, maybe I could live without that depth. But then so often when I meet new people they often value my friendship and companionship so much through their dark valleys that I think then, maybe it was worth it. I believe we have gained wisdom and understanding beyond the average office worker, housewife or big-shot CEO.
For awhile I was thinking that I had all these different lives that I couldn't mesh together. Yes, the best years of my life I sometimes think were wasted. Yes, I was pretty stupid to do the things I did. I went through a lot of depression over that. But I now see that the past and the present make up who I am today. Like my kids say, "but mom, if you hadn't joined the cult, you wouldn't have us!" I can't deny that and I love my children.
The thing is, people like me the way I am, the good, the bad and the ugly. I can draw from what I have experienced and give comfort and that is a big plus, in my book.
I met these ladies yesterday who are recently divorced and experiencing some real valleys in their lives. It was actually nice to be around them because they drew from each others experiences and welcomed every drop of advice and pearl of wisdom. After spending a long day just jabbering and wasting the day away, when I was leaving, one lady turned to me and said, "I like you, come and join us when we go places." She was so happy to have someone who really listened to her and understood. A simple feat, but not one that many people are capable of doing.
One thing I realized since leaving is how much value we all possess. The F. does not build people up, it tears them down. Such is the way of big religion and the F. is at its worst. But we all have a lot to offer and we have value and it is not wrong to say that. The mental conditioning of the F. to think that we had to have all the answers to the world's ills and that we were just little "diamonds of dust" that were basically pieces of shit unless God's light shined on it, is counter productive. Then when you think you are not close to God or are not spiritual enough, you are left thinking you are a piece of shit and no one is a piece of shit in God's eyes. We are all human beings of value and with something to offer to the world. If even just to your doggies and your significant other, the people you meet everyday, than you are of high value.
