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In Reply to: Question for Sam Warner, Jesse Huntington & others posted by History Questions on August 29, 2002 at 16:30:13:
Looking at the family before I knew what I was getting into, I saw a large group of young people who looked happy and had a spark in their eyes and in their step that was attractive. I was young and on the sts. and had many bad experiences and there were so many "solutions" out there. The Hare Khrishna were pretty new, I didn't know them from news media or where I had come from. I visited their "commune" on Watseka and hung out for some chanting and a flame was passed which people put their hands through. (It was warm, but didn't burn.) I felt high- without chemicals- but I was with a friend that was a biker and he was mocking the whole ordeal, so we were not approached after the Swami Baktivadante Prabupada (or however you spell it)came out. I watched members with shaven heads grovel on the floor kissing after his footsteps. He sat elevated and I listened. It was hypnotic, but not my cup of tea. He seemed to talk in circles. I met another communal group (not the family) of Christians. But their beliefs seemed to strange and rigid to me. They were way too pentecostal. Finally, I did not have the strength to go on. I went back to their place and got "saved". It was a very real feeling, like an electric ocean washing through me. I felt all this pressure lift off. But after a few days around the group itself, it was too much. Then I met the family and went with them back to a bus where I was screened (didn't know this was what was happening) by Miguel. There were maybe 5-6 potential disciples that were taken back to 5th and Towne that evening. There we were further screened by many different leadership (Rich"Hard", Josh, Simon, and others) One after another left. I stayed. I was so street weary, and never wanted to go back home. The screening consisted of asking hypotheticals and seemed to indicate that only the most hardy could stay. Well, I made it through that and got up to the 5th floor and was assigned a bunk style bed (not stacked). I slept only a few hours and then Revelee...I was given a buddy, a setcard (did not know what this was because I didn't know what scriptures were and had never read the bible.) I was put in a "tribe". There was group prayer upon rising and a tight schedule. I didn't even go to the bathroom without my buddy. I didn't go outside unless on assignment with others (witnessing trip, etc.) There were signs everywhere on the walls and in the bathroom stalls. "I complained when I had no shoes until I saw a man who had no feet" "He that is faithful in that which is least is faithful also in that which is most...only two sheets of toilet paper" True some things seemed bizarre, and my first impression was that it was a bit grandiose to proclaim that we were the most sold out group for God, the cream of the crop the elite, etc. But the zeal and the love bombing were engaging. Love bombing was not sex then but hugging and kissing. You couldn't shave your legs or armpit hair as a woman or wear makeup. That to me was gross. No makeup. That was easy. No bras. Wondered why? Because it wasn't natural... Mail was censored, incoming and outgoing. There were classes and exhortations that often lasted through the night. Don't fall asleep, or you will be humiliated! And about weekly at this time there were purging sessions. I learned to confess something because I was convinced that if I left out any wrong thought, held anything back God could strike me dead. A panel of Elders officiated. It seemed spontaneous, but much later I realized it was orchestrated. It was as if god showed the elders my and anyone elses thoughts and actions and would squash us like a little bug if we did not confess. "My mind wanders" "I used more than 2 sheets of toilet paper", "I lusted after so and so" and the sins went on until daybreak at times. Then there was a communion where bread was broken and wine was passed and a big love feast followed. That "felt" very releiving because the fear was released for the time being, until the next time. Buddy's helped you to avoid "vain babbling" such as anything that wasn't talking about the Lord or the word. I thought I had found the answer and dedicated myself to God's endtime movement. Me, who had been a very angry atheist with no prior bible knowledge. "Inspirations" were song and dance and they felt good. Some trips to places in the mountains of Idlewilde or to the beach felt inspirational, and it was beautiful, being the first real mts. and prettier ocean that I had ever seen. I didn't know about Berg at first. He was mentioned from time to time but it was more of a mysterious background thing. He was at TSC. When I got there, he had just left. At TSC there was alot of work, classes galore, everyday a fully scheduled day. I looked up to leadership. I felt my own thoughts or feelings were bad or wrong. I was unaware of what had happened to Eve, I knew Mo travelled with Maria. There was still that mysterious aura about the persona of Berg which was passed on to us by his family (Faithy, Hosea, Aaron) and other leaders. Absolute obedience to leadership was taught "for our own good". Testimonies about the demise or death of backsliders or those close to them was not unusual. I prayed the prayer with my buddy in L.A. that God would kill me if i ever left the gates (the family). I heard this from many people who talked. (leadership, others) There were endurance trials, media trials (someone disguises themselves as a reporter, we think he really is, and we answer questions and we later get reamed for the wrong answers after we realize it is a test.) I remember Abner doing this and then exhorting us on how to answer. We were the last generation, Gods last endtime army. America was going to be destroyed soon because she turned her back on god and worshipped money.. There is so much to tell. Things changed gradually with time. Some sexual stuff happened that was more correctional when I was put together with someone.
Looking back, in hindsight.. I will write more later.
