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In Reply to: Thankyou for posting this! posted by WC on April 19, 2002 at 12:57:36:
I don't really know what to say about it except what happened. Maybe by sharing what happened you guys can give me some imput and help me through this one. I know I don't have a clue who you are, but I know that we all are connected by the same pain that we experienced at the hand of the same perpitraors.
There are nine children in my family and I have already introduced you to one of my sisters-Miraim- for those of you who read my cousin's post on this site-Proof of abuse in courts. I ran wawy from our home when I was sixteen, at that time most of my brothers and sisters were very young, 13 and down to 6 months old. I tried to get myself on my feet and stabilized as quickly as possible, my goal was to be capable of helping the rest of them leave when it came time. Needless to say I am still trying to get myself stabilized. I have been going to school for the last 6 years trying to make up for not having an education as a child. My brother was 15 when he left and because of my instability (I was a starving student) he told me he wanted to come and live with me but he knew I was too busy and was going to school. Well with what I had been through with Miriam I didn't know if I could handle it all again. So he stayed with my other sister.
Jeremy was his name, he was so amazing. He was a very intense type of personality. He always looked for the hidden meaning in situations. He was an artist type of personality, where looking at him you would think he was in complete chaos, but there was so much method to his maddness, and the little that he showed about himself was us getting a small glimps of his complicated world.
Jeremy wanted to leave the Family after my parents re-jioned and headed to Taiwan, but my mom convinced him to give it a try and he did. But he was very unhappy there and in the Family in general. My mother has made a concious decision time after time in her life, that the COG is her first priority, her family is not. Well when things weren't working out they went to Guatemala. Here again my brother was uncomfortable and unhappy. He made waves, little things bothered him, like the brotheren telling him he couldn't wear his favorite clothes or hat. I am sure there was big stuff too, but I was not privy to it. What it all came down to was that he was an emberrasment to my mother. My mother is the perfect SAINT, and her children are always standing in her way of making it to the top. We "murmur" about stuff like abuse and "harsh discipline" and she can't stand the idea that we have a hard time trading in our own personalities for the ones the group would uniformly pass out to us.
But the funny thing is no matter how much my mother puts us on the altar to be the sacrificial lamb for her asccent to the top of the Family Ladder, we still love and adore her, we can't help it, but we can't justify it in our own minds.
My brother knew he was an embarresment to his mother, but he missed his siblings and the idea that he had of our mother. He was supposed to go for a visit, and maybe stay their with my mom and siblings in Guatemala on the 14th of January 2002. He was having a hard time making it in the "system" he had started taking some drugs and hanging out with a rough crowd. For the most part he was in a lot of pain that he didn't understand. I just want to point out here that my brother was also part of the ritual sexual and physical abuse that we suffered as children. Without any type of therapy or a stable living environment my brother started wheighing the posibility of living with my mom again. He loved her so much, we all did. But I think the realization hit him that he was either going to have to give up himself to be apart of the Family again in order to be apart of my mothers life, or he was going to have to forsake his mothers love once and for all. This was a choice he couldn't make. It was reported that the day he died he gave all of his precious items away to the people he had grown close to.
