Landing on your feet when you leave

It's unfortunate that these boards descend into personal squabbles at times, but we've all been through a lot. Not to excuse rash words that were said but just that these discussions are not simply "academic" but hit raw nerves at times. I bet Maria & Peter rejoice to see ex-members having at it at times so they can say, "See? They're so divided." As if they even dare put up a board and allow free expression! Did the Family have a board up at one time? I don't think it lasted long.

It was like when Mao said in China, "Let a thousand flowers bloom." In other words, let's allow free expression and let people think and talk and beef. But when all those Chinese flowers came popping up, Mao send in the lawn-mowers and cut them down. Same with the Family. They don't dare allow free expression or the whole can of worms would come out and their organization would fall apart.

Despite the excesses on ex-member boards at times, I'm sure glad they exist. For a lot of people in the Family, this may be one of the few windows out of the group, to see why other people (once 20-year members like themselves) decided to leave, and how they've been able to cope with life. And the same thing for people who've left and still feel like they're "floating," not able to really adjust to the ordinary working world and still wishing they could belong to a utopian society that had all the solutions to the world's problems.

But I heard a very cool story the other day. There was this couple who while still IN the Family, realized they wanted to leave, so they began searching the Internet for the kind of job they'd like to do after they were out. And guess what? They did such good research that the day they stepped out of the Home they were able to land on their feet running and are now doing well financially.

I'd advise anyone seriously considering leaving the Family to do the same: study the Internet for job opportunities. Do online personality tests to find out what kind of skills and aptitudes you have and what you're suited for. Don't necessarily go by what you've been pigeon-holed doing in the Family for years. That might be an indication, but then again it might not really be a viable skill for your new life outside the Family.

Just some thoughts. These ex-member boards are helpful but you also need to think of practical job skills once out of the Family. One thing to beware of are 'get rich quick' schemes. You may be tempted to think you want to have a huge supply of cash so you can "be part of the work-day system" as little as possible. But a lot of these get rich quick plans and MLMs (multi-level marketing) schemes promise a lot up front, but really don't deliver. How do I know? ha!

If you're into sales, you could make a go of it selling stuff. But if you're not, might want to think of other skills you have that you could market. There are online personality career tests you can do. Punch that into Google and see what you come up with.

And there's no shame in starting at minimum-wage jobs when you get out. You have to put bread on the table and you'll want to do it with honest labor. It's discouraging to have spent so many years of your life gaining what you thought was "the best training on earth" only to find out when you leave that you have few practical skills and can barely get a job. But we've been there and had to go through that. There's no shame in entry-level jobs. Frustration, yes, but no shame.

If you can market yourself better, go for it. But by all means plan your landing place. Sorry for making this a 'Dear Abby' column but just felt I wanted to share this.