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In Reply to: You have no sympathy? posted by Acheick on August 21, 2002 at 00:28:11:
This is the dangerous part about when people keep pressing me for an opinion on this. I tried to keep it to myself, because I know it is not a popular opinion.
It has not changed since the first message I ever posted back on Merriam's board:
"I can’t justify the experiences I see written by the young people who were born in, or understand how their parents could have allowed that to happen. I’m happy that I was able to provide a safe home for her children that were produced while she was in the COG. I wish I could have done more. I think that is why I am open to having current members and their families in our home. I think it gives them a look at the real world, and maybe they won’t be quite so afraid of it."
I never said that I had sympathy for current member adults either. I don't. If they came to me seeking sympathy, I'd tell them that if they didn't like their situation, they should change it.
The term sympathy implies that I we have something in common, or that we share feelings. To have sympathy for you, I have to know how you feel from having made the same mistake or having the same thing happen to me.
I really don't. I think that I have made that clear over the last few years, and I also think that you and others have made it clear to me when I thought I understood you, that I can't.
That is not to say that I can't have sympathy for current or ex-members regarding situations other than their past membership in a cult.
As far as the children, I do have sympathy for them. I was a child once, and my father was an alcoholic. I know what it feels like to be a child trapped by a parent who is in a deranged state. My father stayed drunk every day until I was 20 years old. Then he sobered up a few years, and just when we started having an actual relationship, he died.
I have huge sympathy for the kids who were dragged into the group. I identify with them, and I don't identify with the adults.
However, just because I can't identify on that one issue, does not mean that a relationship can't exist. There are a whole lot of things that happen to people once they leave a cult. A need for information on jobs, education, fitting into mainstream life. I am willing to help with that.
I am not willing to buy into a full out victim mentality for adults who made the choice to join and stay. Adults need to act like adults. When they refuse to, then that's when trouble starts.
I don't have sympathy for you. I do have respect for you. If I can help you, or your children in any way to continue to integrate into mainstream life, please call on me first. But don't ask me for sympathy.
