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In Reply to: Re: Taking our share of blame, but not all of it posted by Goth 88 on August 04, 2002 at 17:21:33:
Well, I do take the blame for what was my fault, believing the lie, living the lifestyle, not protecting my children as I should have. True, I am not to blame for every bad thing that befell them, but had I been a better and more protective mother, I maybe could have prevented some of the harm. I know now that if my youngest daughter or any of my grandchildren were treated in the same manner as some of my older children, there would be hell to pay - I would never again let those things happen.
I like what you said about "I wouldn't blame a battered wife for not escaping the abuser and allowing things to happen to their family because of lack of self-esteem and a sense of no way out. To me, taking the blame comes after having choices, exercising them, and then going back to old behaviors. I think I first have to realize that I have choices, and then start exercising them."
My husband is wonderful, he has never been abusive to me, but I had another mate in the Family as well (don't yell at me, Achiek!), and he was very abusive, never in front of my husband or anyone else though. He used to put me through hell. He is also responsible for most of the hurt my kids experienced. I do consider it my fault that I was involved in this relationship to the hurt of myself and my children. For that I do take the blame. But I like what you said, it's when you go back to the behavior that you really have to take the blame. I would never, ever go back to that situation - ever.
I had to laugh when I read about how you apologized for everything at first. So did I. After about the millionth apology, I did begin to realize that not ALL of it was my fault. When I began hearing my boys saying some of the same things my older girls had said, and I KNEW they never went through some of those same things, I decided enough was enough. I was not going to be the scapegoat for every little thing anymore. It has been enough years now that they can begin to take the responsibility for their own problems and quit blaming their "parents who were stupid enough to join a cult." Boy, kids will certainly be manipulators if you let them, won't they?
