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In Reply to: Re: stages... posted by ray on July 30, 2002 at 19:20:56:
That is always a parent's worst nightmare, isn't it? I am so sorry for your loss and your grief at this time.
I do agree with you that with time, grieving does abate to an extent. I also had some sort of a loss similar to yours though not completely. When I had to leave my 12 yr old daughter in the F. thousands of miles away, knowing I'd probably never see her again or at best only briefly, the pain was nearly unbearable. For a long, long time there was this pit in the bottom of my soul that I am hard to explain the presence, but it was there and it would never go away. with time, of course, the chasm sort of healed over and the pain subsided, it's true. Though my poem to my daughter was written only last year when I happened to look over a few old pictures and saw her as the little girl I once remembered - I wrote it with tears streaming down my face. Maybe the pain subsides, but it doesn't go away as I know you are well aware.
The next time I saw her she was a grown woman and pregnant with her 2nd child. She was someone I did not know and that was almost as painful to me. But that's another matter.
They say that with holocaust survivors who suffered much more than any of us can even begin to imagine, they often did not deal with their pain until years later. Many would simply go on their lives and act like nothing happened until about 20 years later they would suddenly start reliving the experiences and then they would have to deal with it. I can see that in the COG community how many people can 10 or 20 years later suddenly come out of hiding and start venting. Then it might look like to people that they've spent all this time venting and being angry when actually all this time it's been surpressed and has not been dealt with and the time has come for them to process that anger. Something to think about at least.
