Crisis

IMO, when in the family, self-identity, self-worth, critical thinking etc. are so annihilated, that when one gets out of the family, there is still so much fall out to deal with. And one may not feel they warrant the help they need and deserve. I think it is easy to deny the severity of damage done because perhaps in many cases one was not physically being beaten down. Many people leave the family and think that they aren't in a crisis comparable to someone that is physically assaulted, but the wounds of emotional abuse, spiritual abuse, isolation, thought control,sexual abuse etc. are in sync with the worst of perpetration. So anyone wanting to leave the family and go to an emergency shelter would fit the criteria of a battered person in need of emergency assistance. This is because, to leave, for example with children, you are in real danger of losing your children to your partner that stays in, or to the family in general if your partner stays. And what children face within, denial of higher education, freedom of thought, expression, etc. as well as the abuse of the bizarre doctrines practiced within, well, if presenting as being desperate for help and presenting these reasons, any emergency shelter would consider the situation to be emergency.
I know that when you are taught that you are selfish, for example, not to share with a brother or an outsider who you are not attracted to but who is "influential" or even have sex with a partner within the family that you do not love but you feel threatened with being kicked out with no place to go, or being dealt with severely via humiliation and feel "wrong" on top of it because that is what you are taught...you are in a crisis situation. I know that within the family, I was raped on numerous occasions because I did sexual favors (not necessarily full intercourse always) which was coerced and obviously not wanted by me. I did not see this as rape for a long time. It is not as obvious as when you are attacked by a stranger with a knife to your throat. Instead there is a mo letter and a fear of disobeying god or the "being dealt with" that would follow and did follow on many occassions when I was "unwilling". This is very very damaging to the psyche, to the sense of self-worth. When repeated enough times, a person becomes so devalued. If there was a prior history of sexual abuse when a child, everything becomes compounded. These situations rank every bit as high and in need of assistance as a person who might go back to their husband and be beaten. If not more. I know that there are people who don't believe in "date-rape" for example. But, although situations vary, if a woman dates someone and then maybe kisses them, but doesnt want to have intercourse and makes this clear and the person insists and forces their self on the woman, and sex is not a mutual desire or decision. IT IS RAPE. When people are denied for years (as withing the family)to have their own feelings or thoughts or expressions, THERE IS A CRISIS SITUATION. If you want out!! RUN! DON"T WALK! Go to a phone booth and call crisis hotline! Find out what is available in an emergency. Most cities have a womens center of some sort. But you have to let the people know it is an emergency and that you do not feel safe to return.
When a person is already out, they need to be able to express themselves. It often comes out in anger. Anger is a necessary part of healing to people that have experienced rape, battery, incest, thought control, etc. It is not the only emotion, but a necessary one at times. Anger is not always so obvious. It can come out in many ways. It's not wrong! When one gets it out, sometimes it gets directed, out of proportion at a person, for example who makes a statement that feels devaluing or invalidating to them. I have done that, and I have also, at a later time, apologized to the person, because I chose to. It is all about having choices now, and learning to exercise them. It doesn't always come out gracefully. Well this is getting long now! But I just wanted to get this out!