90 reasons why it's cool to be a systemite Repost from moving on

. You don't have to take correction,and if you justify yourself your own mouth doesn't condemn you.
2. Four sheets, five sheets, it's up to you.
3. No OHR's or personal time.
4. You don't need a prophecy to decide which movie to watch, and you can watch as many in a week as you like.
5. Satan's music kicks ass
6. You can go out for a walk or a drive by yourself if you feel like it, screw the buddy system.
7. No one lays hands on you when you're sick, or rubs cooking oil on your forehead for that matter.
8. While you may still have to wake up early, no one comes in your room, turns on the lights and plays "Revellie."
9. You hate TV, not cause it's the devil's tool, but because there's nothing good on.
10. People are generally sincere When they ask for constructive criticism, and won't blow up at you if you have something negative to say.
11. "Going for the gold" is reserved for olympic athletes, normal condom use provokes anything but guilt.
12. If you don't want to tell someone something, you say "None of your businesss," not "It's selah," or "God bless you."
13. Don't have to memorize poems such as "After potty forget not, boys your penies with paper blot"
14. If you're seriously ill, you go to the doctor, plain and simple.
15. Your name doesn't have to come from the Bible, and you don't have to change it every time you have a "breaking."
16. People who read your mail can be sent to prison.
17. Eat what is set before you, if you feel like it.
18. You get paid for your labor.
19. No one encourages you to have sex with older people in an attempt to "bridge the generation gap."
20. You have a relatively small number of Aunties and Uncles.
21. You have a real job - no more postering, tapenessing, kiddie-viddieing, or other witnessing.
22. You only hear the words "thee" and "thou" during Shakespeare plays or while visiting Amish country.
23. You can take credit for your own good ideas, rather than thanking the Lord for inspiring them.
24. You don't assume Martin Luther King Jr was evil, or that Gadafi and Castro are good just because Berg said so.
25. No one expects you to believe the Heavenly City is inside the moon, comparing measurements taken by NASA to St.John's measurements cleary shows that it simply wouldn't fit.
26. A double is something you order at a bar, not not something you chalk up.
27. You know that Hitler was in fact a drug user and a follower of the occult, not an instrument of God, and that the Holocaust did in fact happen.
28. You don't have to substitute sugar and chocolate with honey and carob.
29. You're closer to God than ever, more so even than "Familymites," that is of course if Berg was correct when he wrote "The Benefits of Backsliding."
30. You keep your books on a shelf, and have multiple authors. And no one gets on your case for reading the encyclopedia or the dictionary.
31. The only spirits you need to believe in are the ones sold at the liqour store.
32. Exorcism is just a movie, not something you need to do to your children if they might be Mene cases.
33. Your keys aren't about to turn into swords. If they did how would you open your house or car?
34. You can accept gifts from people without wondering if they contain hitch-hiking spirits.
35. An idle mind, whether or not it is the devil's workshop, is desirable to relaxation and can easily be acheived through meditation, tv, alcohol, or most social situations.
36. Little imps don't sit on your shoulder and inspire negative thoughts.
37. If someone yells "Revolution!!", you can say "Fuck You!" and raise one finger instead of three.
38. "The Weed, the Weed, the Weed - Can't get enough!"
39. You can unwrap all your bundles of faith.
40. You've probably met your Mom and Grandpa, or if not, you at least know where they live.
41. You may still have a flee bag, but you call it something else, like "one night stand bag".
42. While your boss may be a total asshole, he doesn't spank you (or your kids), doesn't live in your house, eat your food, make you clean his toilet etc.
43. People who talk to characters from novels and fairy tales and have sex with "goddesses" are put into mental institutions, not revered as prophets of God.
44. Your only Elixir of Love is KY.
45. You can read 1984 without being treated like one of its characters.
46. You don't think "Mo's Mokes" are funny.
47. No more zucchini, eggplant, or liver.
48. Pow-wowing is something Indians do, normal people shut up and let you watch your movie.
49. JJT is a thing of the past.
50. "Get-out time" has been replaced by "drag-your-sorry-ass-to-the-gym time."
51. You can be happy without being inright, outright, upright, downright.
52. Your traumatic testimonies don't end with the cliche "I found the Family" rant.
53. You can plan your future and that of your children, despite all the crackpots who say the world is about to end.
54. When someone honks a horn at you, you don't say "Hallelujah!!", you give them the finger.
55. "Are you smoking?" - "Higher and higher!"
56. Daydreaming rules!!
57. You wouldn't say "Fill me with your seeds!" to anybody, much less Jesus.
58. Road trips involve lots of alcohol and partying, not fund-raising and provisioning. And you're allowed to gripe about how uncomfortable you are until you're blue in the face.
59. You can eat dinner without singing two or three songs first.
60. When you masturbate you fantasize about real people.
61. Date, sleep with or marry whomever you damn well please.
62. Self-esteem is something admirable to acheive and maintain, not supress.
63. No one you meet has seen the movie "Pollyanna" 200 times, and they never ever suggest that you play "The Glad Game."
64. You can have an orgy and not invite God to join in.
65. If you want to read pornographic literature, you don't have to write a reaction to it afterwards.
66. Eventually the details of Berg's personal hygiene habits, Zerby's bowel movements and Peter's STDs start to fade from memory.
67. You don't have to change your name because someone thinks it's worldly, prideful, vain, or because someone else has the same one.
68. If someone hits on your significant other, you won't be lectured on your lack of real love if you smack 'em.
69. You don't have to dress up like a clown, unless your lover thinks it's kinky.
70.
71. You get drunk/laid on New Year's Eve, forget holding candles and all that other crap.
72. While you may be heathen, you don't participate in vain repetitions of "Thank you lord, praise you Jesus, Hallelujah."
73. Smoke, drink coffee or alcohol till you puke, pass out, or die. No one is going to point out that you're "over your weekly limit."
74. Ghosts of dirty old men stay the hell out of your pantry.
75. Flies and mosquitoes are bugs, not "The Devil's Minions". - If you miss while trying to kill them, you're a lousy shot - they DO NOT have the ability to dissapear!
76. Underarm hair is French, not natural.
77. Long scraggly hair equals bag lady, not Bible woman.
78. The chances of your 5 and 7 year old humping eachother are considerably lower than yours were. If it happens, you certainly won't say, "look! How cute."
79. When her teacher says, "your little daughter is so SWEET--and deep for her age" you don't have to wonder what he means.
80. As a systemite, you definitely aren't your own worst enemy.
81. The only farm animal names you give people are pig, dog and chick. Not sheep, goat, fish and wolf. And cops are pigs, not "Romans."
82. You're no longer forced to listen to people have bad sex just because they're your "room shepherds".
83. You hear and use other adjectives besides "super" and "sweet".
84. Your cars do not have to be jump started every morning.
85. Both your shoes are the same size.
86. Yolks are for eggs, not for necks.
87. You can live in California without wondering when it will fall into the ocean.
88. You can have an orgy and not invite God to join in.
89. You can suck anyone’s cock you like. Not just the shepherd’s. (Literally and metaphorically speaking.)












And most importantly:

You don't need anyone - living or dead - to tell you how to think.