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In Reply to: Re: I hope any one responding reads the original post in its entirety posted by Reader on July 23, 2002 at 21:30:53:
I can see how it could be confusing, but basically I was saying that I believe that all in the family have been asked at some time or other "why didn't you just get out?" People that ask this question ask it because they do not understand. We may have asked ourselves that, but the bottom line is that fear, indoctrination, cut off from past ties, being taught that our gut feeling/instinct was from the devil if not in line with the family, etc. were common reasons. While there are differences in how SGs or SGAs or FGAs (or whatever label) entered the family, I am sure few if any FGs who entered felt like they were entering anything that would turn into what it did. The explanation about "boiling the frog slowly" is a pretty apt description. As a member who would be labelled FGA, it is demeaning to me to be referred to along the lines of Berg. Perhaps I am not more adult about how I feel because I am dealing with the pain of the past right now and feeling it. I understand that there are some that are SGs that need to hold onto that anger and blame any and all FGs for what happened under Berg. My question about "Why didn't you (sg) run away?" was just to illustrate how unreasonable the question of "why didn't you just leave" (as fg) feels to me. I would not post this on an sg board, but for my own recovery after years of the family (from barely 18 to 30yrs old) I believe that we joined after disillusionment with the War in Vietnam, our own parents, abuse or whatever, looking for a better cause, or way of life. Being presented with an ideal that felt safe. Hell in the beginning, dating and holding hands wasn't allowed in the general population. So while I want to be supportive of SGs on one level, I also want to support myself and any other FGs that left the family and are healing their own wounds.
I have reconciled with my own children. I learned to listen and not discount them. Now I am feeling (after years of being out) a lot about past family and family of origin stuff. So I am not in the vein of dealing with generalized confrontation of SGs to FGs. I am new (by a few months) to these boards, and ex-family support. I can't relate to confrontation between SG and FG when it is generalized. I don't own it. I never molested any children in the family. If I had, I would have to hold myself accountable to those children. There are pedophiles by indoctrination in something as horrid as the family devolved into, and there are pedophiles that were born that way. These are also completely different issues. I was neither. I hope for healing for everybody. I hope the family folds and adults and children still within get out, one way or another.
