Spirituality

I feel like I know about Hell. Been there and done that for so much of my life! I guess I just believe when something is grounded in evil it will eventually destroy itself. And those affected by it will be part of that process. Evil to me is destroying spirit. Spirituality to me is a state of being, and you can be that whether you are atheist, Christian, Jewish, Buddhist, or any profession, or none.
Sometimes, I act self-destructively, then I put myself thru hell, and no man is an island, so reverberations are felt by someone somewhere besides me. I will never arrive at perfection, but neither do I want to use humankinds lack of perfection to excuse the horrors of systematic abuse such as what has occurred in the f. and elsewhere.
I think it is commendable that people stand up and expose something that perpetuates so much hurt (like the f.) But, since I'm agnostic, I wouldn't mind some discussion on what people think heaven is? (As long as it is NOT pro-f/ pro-hell!)And I know that this (pro-f) would not go over well on this board!
Also, I am limited in resources, but would like to be of help in any way that I can re: exposing the f.
I know that I literally prayed for things to get so bad that I would have to leave the f. because I was incapable of making that decision for myself. Well, shortly thereafter a lot of stuff started happening at the home where I was at, and in my road travels, until I was so burnt out I jumped out on impulse in order to keep what fragment of sanity I felt I might have left. I thought I was wrong. If the "family-tree" falls, I'm sure that a lot of displaced "disciples" will find themselves delivered of something they couldn't get out of themselves! And if it doesn't, surely an impact will be felt.
Thanks all, for your continued support!