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In Reply to: Re: New here, have some questions..... posted by marina on June 26, 2002 at 20:54:36:
Just to clarify, I did not see the Larry King Show, or follow news or f. related stuff. The reason I asked, is because I am dealing with a lot of my past, also full of crap that happened, and when I first got online there is something from a board that has a memorial to Jeremiah Singer and one mentions Watchman, but nothing was posted. I was curious as to what happened to different members that I did know within the f. Though I was not close to Watchman personally, I was to his little brother for a brief period of time at "Zion". When I referred to something about him, I was referring to the thing that Watchman wrote and put out via No longer Children. I haven't seen anything the f. put out.
As far as the drinking, it was when I was having a discussion with the former leader of CAN (now called something else) here in Houston re:COG/fam, that she mentioned Rick and said that he was having a hard time and talked abt alcohol. She gave me his parents address in Wharton, and I had intended to write to be supportive, which I never ended up doing. So to learn as I did a few week ago that he died, was shocking. Not in lieu of the facts of what he went thru. Trust me I had my own very big slice of hell within the f.
This was yrs ago that this came up, and I didn't deal with my past in the f. But I myself did OD intentionally but did not die, though I took enough to. That is why I had wanted to write (yrs. ago) and then felt very bad to see that he had died. I am not ashamed to say that I drank excessively within the f. and then after leaving, drank and used pain killers, tranquilizers etc. I think that when people try to be a good example in as we learned to always show a false happiness to the outside and a pretty picture no matter how torn up we were inside, it is very destructive. I am glad that he had you by his side in the end. I know when writing on these boards, that it is not possible to understand always where someone is coming from with what they write. I have not been posting but about 3-4 wks now. So if I said anything to offend you, that was not my purpose or intention. I am going to start in a week to go to therapy and deal with past f. issues. To see other peoples stories is helpful so that when I see my therapist she won't think that what I am talking about is unbelievable, similar to what I understand Justice Ward(?) questioned himself about Merry until he read the f.'s own description of what had occurred, and realized, if anything she had under-exagerated. Thank you for your post. All that I am learning has been within the past month. I believe you when you say he did not abuse alcohol, but my point on saying anything about it is that silence kills, appearances kill, when your ass is falling off, and if you're going to get help, painting an accurate picture is the best way to get it. Anyone who wants to judge is not who I would want for support, anyway. This last paragraph is about me! I want support because the picture isn't pretty right now. I am not drinking or abusing any substance at this time, but I don't want to be another statistic either, because suicidal feeling related to pain from the past occur, I am sure, to many ex-members. Not everyone at the same time. But asking for support is probably a healthy thing to do.
