|
In Reply to: Re: The serious consequences of mocking Penie's weenie posted by goth88 on June 25, 2002 at 17:47:58:
Dear Ones,
Praise the Lord for all He is doing through our wonderful Worldwide Family! The latest stats just came in and Mommie was so excited. Do you realize that in the last 7 years alone (God's number, right?) dedicated Family members have blown a total of 37,497,666 balloons, and twisted those balloons into 17,856,654 shapes? Wow! Is that great or what? That's a lot of hot air! Keep puffing!
During those 7 years, 15,000 disciples worldwide have won a total of 3 souls. Wow! The angels must be dancing. And of those 3 salvations, 1/2 a person decided to join the Family. This is a bit of slowdown from the previous period, where 3/4 of a person decided to join the Family, but we know you've been busy blowing balloons and as the song goes, "Money makes the world go around."
And did you know that dear mommie has just found a new theme song? While driving down the street she was praying asking, "Lord, what should our focus be? What are we all about?" And since there was no Bible to cut and poke her finger on a verse, she flipped on the radio and on came Madonna singing, "I'm a Material Girl." Mommie thought that was just the Lord, and summed up what we are about. So Madonna is mommies's newest spirit helper.
Incidentally, can anyone look up on the Internet and make sure Madonna has already passed into the spirit world? Mommie is sure she has, since she did recieve that message from her, but we don't want another repeat of the Art Linkletter fiasco, where we have living people as spirit helpers.
Back to our stats. Remember we won 1/2 a disciples in the last 7 years. In the same time period, only a mere 4,598 people have left the Family, apparently not satisfied with fulltime discipleship. They must've gotten baloons with holes in them to make them so disillusioned with God's Endtime Army.
And now for the great new news! You'll cheer with joy over this one! Just this morning while sitting on the throne dumping some particularly slushy turds, King Peter had a wonderful revelation. He said, "You know how when dear Dad was alive, he liked to call us the children of David? And you know every second kid was called Jonathan because 'Jonathan loved David'?"
"Well, now that I'M King, Family disciples shouldn't be called Children of David any more. They should be named after me, the new king. But children of Peter just doesn't have that ring to it. So, since "filia" means love, and the kids all love me, how about if all Family disciples are called Peter-files? Yes! THAT'S IT! All Family members will be known as Peter-files from now on." (End of prophecy)
Well there you have it! Hot off King Peter's girdle....er...I mean griddle. From now on when someone asks you who you are, you can proudly say, "I belong to a free-love community and we're all a bunch of Peter-files!"
