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In Reply to: The advantages of having a lot of children posted by Acheick on June 25, 2002 at 06:54:48:
As far as my kids go, they're grown now, but when we first got away (about the time M. was writing letters abt setting up the schools for kids and kid marriage etc,)and came back to the states, It was very difficult for a long time. They didn't call me mom for a long time because I was separated from the a lot within the f. The oldest one was spanked for crying for me at one location. He was only 1 1/2 yrs old. He was told "She's not your mother, we're your family in the lord" I was dealt with so many times, sent on the road, kids sent elsewhere. Having them pulled away screaming. Dying inside. Why did I let it happen? Why did I stay in? Because I was so programmed to believe that a negative thought was a thought from the devil. I had heard endless testimonies about how people died or someone close to them did, when they left the family and then re-entered. It was a hand-me-down thing to do, to pray that god would kill you if you ever left the family. If I rebelled, I got sent away and didn't see my kids, or even know if I ever would again. I could go on and on and on, but many of the dynamics of control suffered by others later were similar earlier on. I didn't enthusiastically take suggestions? Got sent to lenghty road trips or a home to be dealt with, like in Gothenburg, Sweden, where we had "purging sessions" and mock raids in the middle of the night regularly to "keep us on our toes" Then I also was in a "Selah" "Problem parent home" where I was together with my kids but we were not really "together" with a tough daily schedule. There was even a blooper chart with a picture of a bus and if you did the tiniest thing wrong (forgot to put a cup away, or whatever) you got a blooper put on your chart and progressed towards the back of the bus with consequences. Why did I stay? My children could disappear if I rebelled, I could lose them forever, and it would be all my fault. Nathaniel and Peace were there. I wonder if they ever made it out of the f.? Then there were the diaries where you charted what you did every 15 minutes of the day. And when ffing was in full swing, how many people did you fuck, flirt with to lead to the Lord?????? How much did you drink, go to the bathroom . Shit. It's no wonder many FGA's didn't just leave. I was only in my early 20's then. When the letters about child marriage and going to India came out, I had already been in Indonesia and Singapore, but not allowed to connect to the f. there because we left without "proper clearance" even though we were told we could go. Going back and forth over the border btw. Singapore and Malaysia every 2 weeks to get visas, losing money and getting stuck, kids got sick, etc. etc. When the letters came out about Marry time and schools, I left on impulse. I felt like I was wrong and that when I left god would surely make the plane crash. Then I had to survive culture shock with 3 kids and no support or relatives for them. Just me. I didn't have the time or space to deal with anything. I took menial jobs and was so full of anxiety. It took a long time to recover to what degree was possible. I was only a leader as a teen to twenty yr old, and there were no kids to abuse at that time, yet. Because the guy I was put together with in the f. and I separated after a few yrs, I never acheived that position. Also because I had a rebellious streak that caused me no end of being dealt with. I am sure that if I had stayed together and we were put in a position of power I could have been horrendous. I didn't get that far. I'm sure for others that did, there is much more to deal with. But those were the dynamics of the family. The family I came out of was a well enough off family, both my parents worked in branches of law enforcement, Father director of Personnel (then called) Texas Liquor control board. My mother an executive and personal secretary to the Atty General at Austin. there was tremendous abuse within my family and I left as soon as possible and about a month & 1/2 later met the family after being on the sts in New Orleans and then L.A. Berg used and abused every generation. Some members within may have experienced largely good times. That could have happened if you were around the right shepherds and away from the center of things. I survived my family and the cult. I want to support any and everybody else that survived as well. The tree, (the cult)if it falls, will liberate some that didn't realize what bondage they were in. For others, they may not be able to come to grips with things, but I agree that the tree needs to fall and readily support the AXES.
