On stepping out of the cage

Posted By: goth88
Date: Sunday, 23 June 2002, at 7:35 p.m.

Cancion, I read your post in response to Rocky (scanned it). And I read and scanned what you wrote to me. You had some good points regarding interpersonal communication.

Regarding Victimization: IMO, as far as choices go, you have to realize them before you actually have them. Next, If you put someone in a cage, or someone willingly enters a cage designed as paradise, and then every time they even think about leaving or start to exit they get a big electric shock, then later when the door is left open and they are told they can leave any time they want, and they get shocked again, and this happens over and over, it takes more than just that person making a choice to leave to actually get out of the cage.

To me Berg and his doctrine are like a street pimp and his promises of love, affection and security. You get in and feel showered with affection, and then you get in deeper and it's time to put out. Little did I know when I joined that this mechanism was already there in 1970. I knew there was a lot of control because no one went anywhere without permission or clearance. This means I did not leave the building at 5th and Towne, physically, more than a handful of times and then only in group, or with escort for a specific purpose. I learned about the love of other Christians when I learned that there was a "Chimp detector" (a light to alert when Jordans people were around.) I learned that people who the family could use were "Kings and Queens" and treated royally when they were present, and then laughed at when they weren't around. I learned that people could break down and get dealt with for using more than two sheets of toilet paper during a purging session, not to mention endless classes with demonstrations by leadership who were directly instructed by Berg. I learned that God was loving but to be greatly feared if too much toilet paper was used! That would be funny if it weren't so sad. I remember signs posted everywhere: "He that is faithful in that which is least is faithful also in that which is most..No more than two sheets of toilet paper" ( Posted on the toilet stall divider. There were no doors on the stalls. I could go on and on. It is not to say nothing positive was derived. I was a very shy person prior to joining, and very young. I learned to overcome that by being trained how to sell literature. I learned how to take my baby out in Sweden in the winter time (two months old) and my toddler (Not even 1 1/2 yrs old) and sell literature to provide them and myself with breakfast, lunch and dinner, not included in the quota which had to be reached before returning. I learned to be dealt with, put up against the wall over trivial matters. I learned to obey without question, and that god believed in dictatorship (per mo himself) via god,which of course was later via the letters.

It gets alot worse from here, but I won't go into it now. I went to AA for 4 yrs. I stopped because the dynamics reminded me too much of the family. The worship of Bill and Dr. Bob and the twisting of the Big Book writings by so many to follow. The only positive there was, to me, the traditions which protected against anyone having the authority over anyone else. The family did not have those traditions.

I would compare Berg to Alcohol or Heroin. When I first drank, I felt so alive and so capable, things severely lacking prior to this (and I first got into alcohol via the family!) Then after a lot of highs, it took more and more to feel that level of inspiration. Finally, I could only feel somewhat normal at best, and lastly suicidal. It doesn't make the high worth the rest of the ride! And in Berg's case, the damage was so much more insidious, as far as I am concerned.

Now AA and Al-Anon have helped many people to be sure, but in AA there was so much emphasis on doing whatever your sponsor said. People often said at meetings on Sponsorship: "If my sponsor told me to jump off the 10th story of a building i would do it!!" then I would raise my hand and say "If my sponsor told me to jump off the 10th story of a building, I would ask her to show me how, and then I would look at her body splatted on the ground and say, well, that didn't work"
(There goes the absolute obedience thing in order to save your life, again)

What's wrong with getting mad? Nothing as far as I can see, especially when that anger is directed at what has hurt you. Berg scapegoated leadership and followers many times for what he ordered them to do. This occurred countless times over the years and continues today in the new, pre-arranged hierarchy of the family. I do not feel that it is inappropriate to shout at anyone who feels abusive to me. It feels abusive when people come on this board to extol the many qualities of Berg or say just forget it. I cant compare a child getting yelled at by a parent, where it isnt a pattern, as the same abuse that occurred to Holocaust victims and survivors. It minimizes the more serious forms of abuse. So that's why I speak out, not always in "appropriate ways". It is your perogative to speak for what you believe about Berg, and it is certainly the perogative of others to find that hard to believe and speak against it. I feel like I am stepping out of the cage now, and being able to be or say what I want is very important to me. Not destructive.