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In Reply to: "Forgive abusers because they were probably abused too?" posted by Reposter on June 14, 2002 at 13:46:49:
Hi Reposter! Great points!
That many sexual abusers have been sexually abused in their past statistically is approx 25-30% in males, next to zero for females. Some researchers feel this percentile in males may be actually lower.
Although Cancion has some good points to make, I feel her posts and position on sexual abuse in particular does not take into account the nature of such abuse. An abuser who is a pedophile or a multiple offender cannot stop or be healed in any way without the following three elements:
1. Admit to the abuse and the harm they have caused
2. Accept responsibility and make restitution to the victim(s)
3. Accept the consequences for their criminal behaviour and participate in treatment. Also of note: Pedophillia is not curable, it can only be treated and managed.
Until these realities are accepted by people that are speaking out regarding sexual abuse their voice will be of little use in preventing sexual abuse or helping victims.
I have publicly forgiven those that offended me in this way but that did not stop the implementation of the above steps. Reconciliation and healing are also dependant on a number of things including these three steps.
Although I appreciate Cancions soft and caring heart all that she really has to say about sexual abuse in the family has little validity or impact on others because of her unwillingness to acknowledge the role that Berg played in leading the family down this abusive trail.
Anyone who excuses or negates Berg's role has made a fundamental error in that they are not truly appreciating the seriousness of a pedophile's intent to abuse. Pedophiles are noted for being crafty and relentless in their construction of the methodologies they use to victimize others. It is not uncommon for a serious pedophile to have dozens of victims over many years. Berg was convincing, charasmatic and gifted in many ways but you can see his abusive focus by the end result of the doctrines and the massive trail of victims he left behind.
The "mystery of inquity" at work in my opinion. I mean, he even had the parents, associates and family of his victims protecting him! People are still protecting his legacy to this day. How is that for horror!
No offence to you Cancion. I do not know how much you have suffered in your life, any is too much! I am passing on information I have learned from my own work experience, Christian and secular experts in this field and my personal journey as a victim with an open heart and no shame. Do us all a favour, the victims, the exers and yourself, by looking more honestly and objectively at Berg and the evidence. By not really attacking Berg's pedophilia and exposing it plainly we can actually hurt the healing process. I have a hard time accepting that you are in any way against the victims getting validation and healing.
Thanks for making these points Reposter. As you can see I am somewhat biased in regards to this issue. Plus I tend to blab! Rocky
