befrore irfer's beware

Shula and I were about to have our first baby and it was a little complicated' There was a slight problem with the pregenancy and we had to be careful. Then we were given 24hrs to get out of EL Salvador by immigrations. We fled to Hondours where we became Shepherds not because of experience but because we were there. There was an attack by immigrations and we fled and were living on the road. We finally made it to Nicaragua where the minut we got there the sheps left for the states and we were in charge.
There were 2 homes in Nicaragua and I closed the one in the city up and lived in the country with road teams as the sheep were fainting under the pressure.
We had our first baby in Nicaragua he was a soul winner from the start. Finally leadership came and boy were we in hot soup for not following the vision and having the faith for a big expensive house. I wonder to thios day. A distric shep came for awhile and all he wanted to do was watch movies and go to hotels and drink beer when we needed to get desperate. I thought this is wierd. Then I got the ax a new house was rented and we could live in the closet or go on the road with two new babes who werent even sheep. We left the family and went to the US to get funds and go to another field. This is embarassing as I feel like such a failure in all the things i went through.
We were in the states with the unfriendly parents of Shula. That was hell.
We got enough money to go to another country so we left for Aruba but when we landed in Miami they wanted a round trip ticket. We prayed and went to the Dominican Republic instead. Wanting to serve God and be in the Family.
We rejoined in Dominican Republic right when the fishing letters started happening. Shula was big with child so the sisters would be with me from time to time. One night I was in a room with a sister and herd Shula crying in the next room. I never forgot that. I felt so bad for her.
We went to the states to get our bounds as we were a little dizzy from all the changes in the Family and db wrote a letter saying you could go home and work. We needed to renew our faith and start over so we went home to Kansas home of her parents.
I got a job and was an IRFER and we were on the outskirt of the family. A brother was in trouble because his wife left him and we felt we had to help him. Shula was the most beautiful careing person youd ever want to meet. We were trying to get back into wittnessing right before the insane happened. A few days before she was murdered she asked me if we went to heaven how would I know we"d be together. What a sweetheart. My life was broken in half when that happened. When db wrote that letter I thought I'm abandoned and have no one. No one understands.
I was at work and the poliece came and called me to a room and threw me up against the wall and read me my rights. I thought oh no I'm a draft dodger and now I'm going to go to jail and loose my family. They told me my wife had been killed. Stabbed 13 times. My house became a crime scene and I went to Shulas parents who wanted to get the kids. They wanted me to put them in a foster home and when I refused they said leave and see how you make it.
I moved at night as they would only watch my kids when they were sleeping. There was the blood and imprint on the floor from Shula and red handprints from Tim trying to wake her up. I was shocked because then I got IRFER'S Beware . The final blow. I even rejoined in 89 because I just dont fit in the world so good. I'm really thankful to meet all of you. Well here I am and glad to know you all.
I've got so many Questions and feel so messed up.
Thankyou all
GBY Matt
forgive my spelling