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In Reply to: Answer to Marina posted by Kathy Johnson on June 04, 2002 at 10:06:22:
Isn't it amazing what cutting the apron strings and coming into adulthood can do? I'm enjoying your story and your fight for freedom, individuality, the truth, etc...and have read your story up to the woman who can't say "no" to her sociopathic husband. I just felt promted to stop reading and post this little thought that I had been thinking for quite some time now. "I feel that is how it is with Maria." Why hasn't she been able to say "NO!" to Berg, or now Peter?
It may have been hard for some of us to cross the psychological barrier and break with our denials, but think how difficult it might be for her? I sometimes feel that she has been the most abused of all. There's a lot at stake there and according to Davidito's recent remarks, she, herself, was about to become "old church" if she wasn't going to submit about some of the "goings on" in the home. So, it's either make the break like some of us have done, or close the smokey grey eyes, stay dependent, bury herself in housewifery or "serving the Lord behavior", and stuff down the anger. I feel her health may be a direct effect of stuffed anger. I also believe that good Christian psycho therapy could root it all out and put her back up on her feet. What a miracle and a happy day that would be for her and a lot of people involved.
I know someone who was severly abused in childhood. Blocking things out and memory loss have been a shelter, in her case, and a side effect to the abuse. You mentioned also, in your story, that you felt you needed to be led, and as a babe in Christ, I don't doubt that for a minute. I needed to be led too (even if, in my pride, I fought it tooth and nail), at least until I could stand on my own two feet. It's ironic that, as a part of growing up, I had to "come out" in order to learn to stand on my own two feet.
I did a study on co-dependent behavior, where those raised in dysfunctional homes will marry and or join dysfunctional groups, people, and or isms. It's called the repetition compulsion and it blinds us to the red flags healthy others would normally and immediately flee from. It's the familiar, becomes an addiction even, and explains why some women, for example, will bounce from marriage to marriage with four or five different, yet sociopathic, men. The same could be said of men and sociopathic women.
We can't say He didn't warn us about those coming in His Name, deceiving many, though, can we? At least I can't. Like you, I got saved before meeting the Family and I had read that
scripture. In fact, I went out into the woods to think about Berg, whether of not what he had to say was true. Of course, I only had a few gp letters to go by - Faith, Diamonds of Dust, etc.. - if I had only known the half of it. Berg did come in His Name, had no trouble saying Jesus was the Christ , and deceived many. What a slap in the face it is to see that and to come to terms with that, but you're right - He (Jesus) is there for us when we do come to terms with it. Life gets pretty good after that, doesn't it? It takes awhile to pick up the pieces, but oooooohh, reaching acceptance, resolution, and forgiveness makes it sooooo worth it.
I have to go now, and will finish your story soon. All the best to you for the rest of your life and thanks for putting it (your life) up here.
