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In Reply to: Cool - thanks Charlie posted by Acheick on October 20, 2003 at 02:21:39:
I am very well, thankyou! And Fran is doing just GREAT too. We're busy getting ready for winter - tucking in the plumbing, putting up storm doors and windows, caulking, building a greenhouse (Fran has taken up the therapeutic hobby of botony. Being a farm boy, I went out back and got a hundred old nick-knacks: barrels, milkcans, fence posts, rails, a cow bell, an antic dolley, barn boards and what have you, so she's was scheming, and digging, and hoeing, and planting, and decorating the front yard all summer. The greenhouse is to give her a head start in the spring. We were able to come up with all kinds of materials for it from the local dump and local people's forsake all.)
I kinda like the natural, no work motiff, so I suggested that she do what she will with the front yard and that I'd do what I would with the back yard. I ran the hose out into the little drain ditch that runs along the west edge, next to the kid's playfield, and filled the ditch with water. I threw an old rotting canoe along side it, a broken down duck decoy, a couple of rocks, a log, and put out a few bird feeders and a bird bath. I then moved in my lawn chair, pulled out my binoculars and a good birdbook, and sat back and enjoyed the view. Honestly Achiek, within a week I had whole families of warblars, thrushes waxwings, robins, sparrows and the like coming for a meal, a drink, and a bath. I did a lot of birdwatching as a boy so if this is the bed I have made and the one I have to lay in, then it sure is a heavenly one. (Most migrating birds are gone now and the snow could arrive anyday.)
I appreciated your "WHY I AM HERE" post. ( aside from what I said about Jubilee, we had a great time working with Ezekial. He was, without a doubt, a fool for Christ's sake. After the Letter "Refuges" he seemed to have left the Fam., or bordered on the outskirts. I saw him at the Searcher's meeting though, but that was the last I ever saw or heard of him.) I think you found the boards a bit before I did. After reading the article, "How People Leave a Cult" I can honestly say that I was a "KICK OUT", loyal to the group even though rejected by the group. I also became a "WALK OUT", rebelled and lived it up a bit shortly after leaving. It was a kind of "what's the use attitude". Of course it didn't satisfy. Hell, I joined the Fam to recover from that very thing. I felt like a dog returning to his vomit, anything to numb the pain, but it just heaped on a few pounds of additional condemnation. That of course led to "BURN OUT" where the the spiritual, emotional, mental, physical and financial abuse was SO GREAT that I was barely able to function. All that post traumatic stress led, as you know, to deep depression, illness, and an inability to trust - like the article says, most of all myself.
It took me 10 years to become a "FIND OUT". That's when I stumbled onto the boards and found out what and where the Fam and it's teachings were leading to. I was able to leave then without fear, or guilt, or condemnation. The adjustment to normalcy took a few years and I've been able to cultivate new friends, a new environment (Fran has too), and have my God given personality restored.
Fran and I have both been able to lay to rest the emotional pain of cmoing out of the cult. We have both been able to lay to rest the pain that drove us into the cult in the first place. And we have both been able to pick up the pieces, since, as well. It has been, without a doubt, a major struggle. We ARE coming together as ONE as a result and our healings and that certainly has been good for the kids. They are coming around in the evenings and "hanging out". It gets better and all the time too, greater healing as we go.
I admire your wit, and your cheer, and your depth of compassion, and hope that you can make the best of the bed on that mountain top that you are now laying in. Lots of love and prayers. I've thought of you often and appreciate the healing times we've had on the boards. Hi to Bob and yes, if I ever do get out there that way, it won't be MacDonalds.
