Why I am here

Why do I keep coming around? Here's the story:

When I first quit tithing - oh, sometime around 1991 - I had this sudden awakening that I can barely describe. The earthquake that resulted shook me to the bottom of my being. The release I felt from not having to believe in Berg and his prophecies was incredible.

At that time I came into contact with David and Mary Lou Heibert and the newsletter they were putting out called "No Longer Children." These newsletters were to be the grounding force that helped propel me into a healing path away from the COG and Berg's writings. I valued these newsletters and read them over and over. There were quite a few articles from David Heibert and Ed Priebe at that time -- debunking Berg's dogmas --and I devoured each one. I especially liked David Heibert's open letter to David Berg. Wow - someone was standing up to the man - someone who had believed and was no longer intimidated by him - wow - I couldn't get over it. It gave me such strength.

I communicated with the Heiberts and sent in my own writings. They went far and wide with their newsletter. I wrote something after Waco and someone from as far away as England contacted me for permission to use it.

I cherished these newsletters and still have almost all of them. Suddenly, the Heibert's quit the newsletter due to personal issues. That was disappointing but I went on in my life and tried to just bury everything, forget it all like a bad dream. However, it wouldn't die down, it wouldn't go away. Everything I did or happened to me seemed to be so colored by my COG experience that I was suffering quite a bit of depression.

Around 1997 we bought a computer and entered the world of cyberspace. One day, out of sheer frustration, I decided to go online and look for other exmembers. I really needed someone to talk to - how was it for them? Were they going through the same things I was? What was their experience and was it easy for them to get over it?

The first place I found was the CAN website. There was an article being written by a former member from Canada. I started reading her story (it's here on this website also) and with every chapter, I just couldn't get enough. I knew just what she was going through, just how she felt and I couldn't wait to see how she reconciled it all. Too bad she never finished her story and I was never able to find out who she was/is.

It wasn't long after that I discovered there was a bulletin board established for exmembers run by Miriam Williams - I think it was called ExCOG. I also found Lolo’s place.

Suddenly, I was in touch with a wide array of people from around the world that I could talk to. It was great - it helped me tremendously. Even the battles with supposed current members who also had found the website helped me reinforce what I was now believing - that Berg was a false prophet, a pedophile and basically, established a religion for his own perverted tastes.

At first I was very angry and vented very much. The years of being pent up during and after TF were now being released and wow - hear me roar. It took some time for that to all settle down and find some sort of inner peace.

So why do I come here now? Because I want to return the favor - I understand so much the depths of despair one falls into when trying to reconcile the effects of being subverted by a cult and trying to live a normal life outside of that sphere. I come here to support those that need that support, that need the venue to vent and get all the poison out, that need someone to listen to them. That's my purpose and that's about all I can do.