Where am I

I found life and insperation a chance for a non church person who is a true seeker of love (Jesus) in the Family. But eventhough I was obediant I would side with my conciouse when push came to shove. That makes you week in the Fam. I remember sharing with someone that
Shula was a good mom and faithful person and didn't resist rape Opps that was a bad road and not in line I received subtle hints to not have an oppinion different than the letters very dangerous. The family was my hope of being a missionary and serving God. Who messed it up to where it is. Am I acountable now as a backslider? I'm sure each one of us is accountable personally for our experience. Who's accountable for the fact that lots of precious people wanted to sreve god but things became out of hand. I'm not making excuses I know I'm not much but what of all the people who found the truth and a way to serve Jesus and had to walk away as a traitor or backslider or week sister because they missed a hoop and didn't comply with the blindly follow and have no oppinion. I realise you can't have a unit home with people not on the program but what if your veicle to love Jesus falls apart and you finally yeild to your conciencous. A lot of people found a way but I lost mine. I feel all alone and I pray in this sick world bent on war and destruction. I just want to go home. Everybody needs me and because I love Jesus I don't want to let sheep down. I'm so tired God help me Everyone looks to me for the answer Oh Jesus please click in and save us.The mind of Matt. The curse of IRFER'S BEWARE (not even) I just wanted to kick the gong, hit bullseye' make the positive mark. I bet there are even people who are not as fortunate who are suffering. My hat is off to you. And my prayers.
Love
Matt