Definitions of child abuse

I will try my best to answer your questions - any advice I give you is in the spirit of a mutual support group and it is not my role or intention to "counsel" you or try to "tell" you what to do - check my info and challenge me if you need to I will not be offended-

1. The general definition of sexual abuse is as follows:

Sexual abuse occurs when an older child, an adolescent or an adult uses a younger child for his/her sexual stimulation or gratification. In some cases the abuser may be the same age or younger but has more power or misuses it.

Two Types:

1.Non Touching
-coerced to look at sexual videos/pornography or sexual acts
- pose for seductive or sexual photographs
- forced exposure to sexual talk or intrusive sexual questions
- observed for sexual gratification(voyeurism)

2.Touching
- touch someone or be touched in sexual areas - breast,anus, buttocks, genital areas, mouth
- kissed or fondled in a sexual manner
- perform or submit to oral sex, vaginal or anal penetration with objects or fingers
- vaginal or anal intercourse

(information sources)
* Child Abuse Prevention Handbook (BC Federation of Police Officers - info compiled by community resources)
* Dep't of Justice (Canada)

According to the above definitions the heart of the offence is in the intention to use children for any sexual purpose. Although abusers often attempt to bend or blurr(sp) the edges I believe these guidelines are fairly clear. In Canada these guides are applied in criminal investigations and used to measure whether or not an individual's complaint fits that of sexual abuse.

From your description I feel that your daughter has been sexually abused. The fact that people use reasoning such as "you are withholding yourself" or "you are selfish" is a classic illustration of how abusers attempt to manipulate victims. Here is a quote from the same source as the quidelines.

" The great revulsion of child abuse is that children are the most helpless of victims. They seldom are able to comprehend what is occuring to them, to protect themselves or seek help afterwards. The personal trauma and anquish created by child abuse is terrifying, tragic and enduring"

I also believe that it is necessarty to be proactive with this issue. The memory of abuse and the ongoing stress of trying to sort out what happened does not go away. Without some type of counsel and support most victims will struggle harder and longer coming to terms with it.

I would be happy to send you a more detailed info if you email me a mailing address. If there is anything I can do to help you Lydia don't hesitate to ask. God Bless you for the courage to share this issue, it is a very difficult issue for exxers to deal with.